Father's Day was interesting. Wife came over, had made pictures in frames, wrote a very nice card that actually upset me inside, and we had brunch. Then she left. I went out for dinner with my family. Her card to me spoke about how much of a great father I am, and how the kids are lucky to have me. Very different from what she said at BD.
I've been focused on myself, and I've been trying to detach and not worry about what she is doing. Earlier in the week, she had the kids herself, and took them to a memorial, and she texted me several times to tell me how horrible it was, and how her day was "fu$&@ing hell". I'm not sure what to do, so I just responded with that must be very difficult to feel like that, and tried to listen to what she was saying. Not sure if that's the right response?
My W has also been having all kinds of issues with her parents, which are affecting her interactions with me. She told me yesterday again that she is this close to killing herself, and she has no support and nothing to look forward to in her life. I have to resist the urge to rescue her, which I used to do, and just validate how she is feeling I.e. You must be feeling overwhelmed?
She also reiterated she wished she never had kids, they have destroyed her body, soul, mind etc. I find this incredibly difficult to hear, and the thought of my kids hearing this makes me sick to my stomach. I just listened.
Today at the FT, she said she is scared of losing my friendship and support, and then when she went on a thought train, said she doesn't actually think we are good friends at all. Not sure if this is her thoughts becuase of the OM, or her own thoughts. But it doesn't matter because it's how she feels. I feel differently obviously, but that is put away for now. She also said she doesn't think we bring out the best in each other. Not sure if this is standard script, or the truth. I've been thinking about it, and I have lots of positives, but I definitely have room to change. That's one of her barriers to R.
We met at the bank today and are going to draft up the legal seperation agreement with parameters for finance and custody etc. Next week.
She is desperate to go away this Friday to visit OM and avoid her parents who are coming into town. My S8 has a baseball tournament, and it will be tough, but I've left it up to her. She's an adult and can decide to so what she wishes. I need to be happy with the choices I make.
