Since I hardly post much any more, I do try to update my thread once in a while, just in case anyone keeps track!

First, I want to say since the conversation I had with my Ex, he has not said one more word about me moving. And I'm guessing that he most probably won't. He was here yesterday to pick up S11 for the weekend and I'm sure saw the lockbox on the front door. He said barely 3 words to me then left. Not even to figure out when I can get S11 on Sunday for Mother's Day. Oh well, I certainly don't lose sleep about him.

As for my R with my H, things are getting better and better. In fact, he has started talking about coming home! That conversation first started 2-3 weeks ago, with him starting it! Although nothing has happened since then, both of us have been sooooo busy, it doesn't really bother me. Yeah, it would be nice to have him home, but I know it will happen in time. The other change is that I'm getting flowers for holidays like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, etc! I just had flowers delivered today even tho he's away on business for a few days. He seems to be thinking ahead again, instead of living only in that moment.

I finally got MY OWN LIFE!! I am not living thru him anymore, expecting him to keep me connected to the "outside world". I do that on my own now. I think that is the key to reconciling. He has to check with me to see if I'm going to be around. He steps up to help with watching the kids when I have stuff going on, no matter what it is.

Those feelings of panic and despair are long gone. No more guilt about things I would feel guilty about. I can take care of myself, and am working on caring for myself financially too. I have another year until I graduate with my Associate degree, then its on to a Bachelor's degree. And have found something I can do at home that makes me a small amount of my own money. Yea!

We just listed the house for sale a couple of days ago, and the sign just went up today. We'll see how it goes. H is all for the move, although he called me yesterday saying if the meeting he was about to go into didn't go well he was handing in his notice. He wondered if we should wait to list the house. He called later, said the meeting went well enough so he didn't resign. Whew! But I see it happening if things don't change for him soon. He has never been one to complain about his job, if fact he loves what he does, but the crap going on, has been going on for months and he's finally getting fed up.

All I can do is support whatever decision he makes and go from there. That is his life and he needs to do whatever he needs to make himself happy. I'm there to help, a shoulder to lean on, someone to vent to. Much better than what it has been in the recent past.

Life is what you make of it, why not enjoy it as much as possible? I've been at this longer than many, and it took me a long time to find this attitude. But it is totally worth it. And even if H decided tomorrow that he couldn't be with me, I know I would still be ok. Hurt and broken-hearted, but I'd survive and then eventually thrive. Because I've built my own life, with or without him.


Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...