about going dark...I meant in everything else besides the kids, I guess you are right that you cant go dark with kids..lets call it going Dusk...
Let's not. It's bad enough some changed it to dim. Just kidding with you, it's a pet peeve of mine.
Okay, just wanted to know how you saw LRT, etc. I can relate to your W. I know it may seem a little crazy to you, but it is hard for women when they start seeing signs of losing their youth. So much emphasis is place on the physical beauty of women, that even a down to earth gal could feel distressed.
Without a doubt, she is going through a period of personal crisis, and it will affect you and the children. Unlike other crisis the two of you may have handled together, she has to work this out herself. You can't help her. You can't fix her. You can't control her. It may be a mid-life crisis or she may be a WAW who has her eyes on OP, IDK. The signs are similar. Just don't get hung up on labels at the moment.
I find the biggest problem most newcomers have with a WAW (we'll refer to her as that b/c she has walked away)is that the LBH will try to do those things he knew would have worked great when they had a healthy MR. Now he tries it and doesn't get the response he expected and doesn't understand. So, I'll tell you not to plan trying to be that H to her while the MR is unhealthy. Does that make any sense? I'll try to explain.
In the past, she may have wanted you to pursue her and have date nights. She may have enjoyed little flirty TM's throughout the day, or receiving little inexpensive "just because" gifts. But a WAW doesn't respond like she would when she was wanting to have a great M. It simply doesn't work for her now. And, that's why DBing is counter intuitive.
Her feelings and mindset has completely changed. You will think she's a complete stranger at times. Well, she kind of feels one to herself. If she looked in the mirror and didn't like what she saw, she's probably trying to reinvent herself. Only this time, it may be with a different attitude.....and agenda.
Don't give in to the panicked feelings you experience, thinking your time is running out and you have to do SOMETHING! You will be doing something, but it won't be what you may have traditionally considered as working on the R. For example, just leave her alone and let her be. Step back and regroup. Think of how you would live your life without her. Seriously. If she wants a D, let her do the work. But be smart and don't give everything over to her. You need to take steps to financially protect you and the kids. You have seen how she's deleting the bank account. Let that be a warning. Keep telling yourself, "This is not the girl I married".
A lot of LBH's who come here seem to fear what I just suggested. B/c the very nature of the male is telling him to chase the female. They are afraid she will think he's not interested. But that's exactly the point. That's what she should believe! Why? B/c it is the female's nature to try to change his opinion of her.
This will not be a short journey. She won't "snap out of it" one day and return to her old self the next. It's a much slower process. However, IMO, the more cake she eats (time with family, celebrating traditional occasions, keeping the benefits of being your W without actually filling the role)...the longer it will take her to finish the journey. Don't serve her "cake".
Since she has moved out and pursuing a D, I suggest you drop any emotional ropes you have tied around her. To me, that's the real LRT. You set her free. If she gets a true taste of life without you now, it just might bust the D. That would require you not trying to "win her back". It would require you showing an indifference toward her. You see, that is what really hits a woman.....the indifference. She will test it, to see if she can get a rise, but you have to realize it doesn't mean she's ready to R.
Another mistake with a LBS is watching every little move and analyzing every word. Something positive, and they think it means something. Don't fall into that trap.
And speaking of traps, don't fall for the "best friends" either. Anyone can be her friend. Only one can be her H. Which do you want? You can be polite, nice, and have a friendliness in your voice, but don't start playing that role.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just kidding with you, it's a pet peeve of mine.
