Long term marriage - husband quit!

[bugsby]

I love him. Have loved him since I was 17. Only him.
Yes, I agree, control is a terrible temptation, and for the life of me I do not know why I didn't relent.

I have been to ground zero. I have done EDMR, meditated, prayed and spent hours self reflecting this issue. I have written pages of apologies, to people I have not seen in years, and left them at the alter.

Today I pray for Dignity, Grace and Patience. It has been 7 weeks of hell. I have gotten to the point of sleeping in little clumps, but the nightmares/images wake me up in a panic.

I have been trying to GAL. I have one plan for working on reconciliation, and another for moving on. Currently they are the same plan. 180 advice.

Most I have read has been discouraging, but I was advised that once people get back together or "drop the rope" they stop posting, so most people here are somewhere in the middle.

Yes, I take my share of blame, I have claimed it and let it go.