Hurt and Confussed

[oad]

well still no call from her attorney...yesterday she called me and I didn't answer...a few hours later she texted me to call her when I could...I finally called at night...convo went like this:

W- hi how are u

me- good whats up

w- our daughters want to stay in summer camp, are you ok with that?

me- yes that's fine...anything else?

w- yes our sunpass bill is high this month

me- look into it...anything else?

w- no just wanted to see how you are doing.

me- fine thank you...anything else?

w- no that's......

me- ok bye (and hung up)

am I being too much of a jerk or this what is known as being mysterious and detching?

[oad]

anyone out there?

[MrBond]

You cutting her off in mid sentence was being a jerk. If you had to ask if you were a jerk or not, then you knew there was something wrong. Rule of thumb: don't treat someone the way you wouldn't want to be treated.

[claire7]

Is it possible that she doesn't want this to happen but can't trust that things (you) would be any different if she stayed? How can you show her they would be different? If you send her flowers, and she responds quite positively, but then flip out because she did not immediately change her mind... well, it seems like you haven't really changed. If she reached out to you and expresses affection on father's day, and then you ignore her or cut her off on the phone, what message are you sending her?

[oad]

Yes you are correct MrBond...im still tweeking my LRT...instead I should have probably been more polite and short. I will work on my emotions when interacting with her. On a good note I have noticed that eversince ive been doing this there have been small tiny improvements I would have overlooked had I not read DR like 10x already..lol thank you for your input.

[sandi2]

Hi, got your message to drop by your thread. The consistency I see in your posts are the references to you using the LRT. But I am unsure of how you see the LRT. Can you explain to help me?

Another post you said something about going dark on her. That term is often misunderstood, IMHO, and is almost impossible to carry out when co-parenting.

You said you had her tailed. Did you hire a professional?

[oad]

Hi Sandi2...thank you for coming by.

The LRT is from the book, I added a few things here and there but I see it as detachment, it is hard and im not gonna lie when I say that I have made many mistakes during this process. that is why I seek opinions from all here. I see it as a way for me to move on with my life, I guess hoping she will see that as well, I know I shouldn't care if she sees it or not but it is hard when you Love the person.

about going dark...I meant in everything else besides the kids, I guess you are right that you cant go dark with kids..lets call it going Dusk...

No professional, just a friend of mine that would follow her.

sandi2 thank you for answering...seeing her perspective from a former WAW will really help me to not be a jerk at times when she reaches out.

[oad]

Claire I see your point. Its just I never really thought we would end up divorcing (or in the process) this is all confusing to me. I could have been kinder to her. Trail and error, now I know what doesn't work, so I must remove that behavior.

[Ben2010]

Also the whole "anything else?" is kinda jerky too. You should let her talk to you if she wants to talk. If you see the conversation slowing and dragging on, then say that you have to go(politely) take care of some stuff. Then you get to be the one who says bye first and you didnt keep her on the phone and youre also not being rude. Make sure you leave the conversation on a positive note.

[oad]

Ben I see that now...wish I could re do that convo but I cant. I know we will talk again, consistency and pleasant conversations will really help matters in me saving my marriage.