Seems like its been ages since I was here to post. But as I read back on my last posts, I see that things had really moved forward for my H and I.

Then today, I find out that my H is still probably seeing the OW. My gut is churning and I feel as tho' I'm about to explode. I'm not sure who I'm more mad at: him or me. Him for continuing this charade, or me for being ignorant.

I got an e-mail from him today at about 5 saying he was just going into a meeting, and he says who schedules meetings at 5 on Friday, anyway? It gave me that tiny bit of doubt, then I get this news not long afterward. Am I jumping to conclusions? Yes, I know I am. But after what happened between us last weekend it just makes me feel used.

Last Friday night H actually stayed the night, and didn't sleep on the couch It was wonderful, a bit scary since its been 2 1/2 years since we've been intimate. And I was just a little perturbed when I couldn't sleep very well because he was taking up half the bed! I've been so used to having the bed all to myself for so long, it was odd.

Anyway, he's been working on getting closer to me and with the kids, things have been moving along pretty well. We're still looking at putting the house up for sale. Even went to a few open houses a couple of weekends ago, just to see what was out there for sale.

What the heck do I do now?!?

It will be nearly impossible for me to keep my mouth shut about this. I know me well enough. I have to say something. I don't want to be accusing, but I need him to be honest with me. At least that way, I know what I'm dealing with.

I think it's come to a point that I need to be able to trust him, and I can't right now. That stinks because I have always been a very trusting person.

I have class in the morning and he is coming over to watch S8. I figure I will talk to him about after class. I need to for my own piece of mind. He probably won't answer any of my questions, if that is the case, then I really don't know what I'm going to do. Probably nothing. But at least he will know that I'm not some stupid woman who knows nothing about what's going on around her.

I don't really want to do this. But I have changed a lot, and one of those things is to stand up for myself and demand the respect I deserve. Who knows what this will do for the moving plans. Who knows if this will change anything.

I just can't sit back any longer and watch my H make a fool out of me anymore. He needs to sh*t or get off the pot.

I'm not going to drill him or attack him. I am only going to ask a few questions conversationally and see what he says. I'm also going to call my C before I get home and help get a bit grounded before I see him.

Wish me luck, or hit me with a 2x4, whichever you feel is appropriate!

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...