It's been a while, but things are improving

[JustLearning]

Hi LnL, thanks for stopping by. It definitely helps to have someone else's opinion about patience. It's one thing to tell myself I need to practice patience, but it seems to stick better when someone else tells me the same thing! It 's like cleaning someone else's house. It's always so much more fun than cleaning your own!

Not a whole lot to report. My stress level is up this week with so much coming up. I have 2 tests on Thur, which is also S10's b-day. Then homework due for Sat class which I have to finish at school because they have the computer program I need to use. Then the boys' b-day part on Sun! Whew! It's tiring just thinking about it. And of course, its the shopping and the planning and the wrapping and the coordinating of schedules that goes along with it! UGH!!

I know I will get thru it, but how well? My biggest concern are my tests. I seem to be avoiding my math. Can't seem to set myself down to study it. It's a bit difficult, but not impossible. Maybe just overwhelmed with everything else. But I have to get to it, because I don't want to get behind in this class.

Not much happening with H either. He is gone on a business trip and will not be back until Sat. Have only heard from him once, yesterday with a short e-mail. It bothers me that I seem to be put aside while he's gone. But I also am trying to not worry about it and get on with my own stress filled days.

I got some really sad news over the weekend that made me realize and appreciate my life is fragile. A friend of mine's H died suddenly on Fri at work. He had an aortic anurism(sp?). He was only 46. It struck home as to how in an instant our lives can change forever.

I called my H (who had already left on his trip) and left a message for him. I told him I loved him, what had happened and that I was done keeping my emotions to myself. I want him to know how I feel, because we never know what tomorrow will bring. I don't intend to bombard him with emotions he may not be able to handle. But I'm not biting my tongue either. The whole sitch is so sad.

Maybe that call scared him, but you know what? I don't care. If he can't handle the emotions I have for him, then he better leave. I'm not keeping them in. I know this is against the DB principle to some degree, but this really hit home. My H is only one year younger than my friend's H and it truly scared me. I won't obsess(that' not in my nature), but I'm not cutting my heart off what it feels. It's the way I've always been, and I'm going back to the woman I was. Loving, emotional and showing my love to the people closest to me.

Anyway, life is marching forward. Sometimes I am running along with it, enjoying the scenery. Other times (like this week) I am dragging my heels and trying to slow it down, with no sucess. I will continue looking forward, whether I'm ready to go there or not!

JL