Hi Bklyn, I would like to second what Heather said. Right now I'm dealing with the fact that I have watched my stbxW be an absent mom. She put our girls after everything else in her life and especially with the younger one, only seemed to yell at her as an interaction. She never went to school meetings, I had to pick her up from school every day and if I didn't come home from work every night, she would have been left alone until 8:00 or 9:00 almost every night. She never cooked meals, never had time or energy to talk or do things with her, etc.
Now she is moving and wanting her to stay with her at least 50% of the time. I am watching her change how she interacts with my D. Suddenly she is there for her and wants to talk and laugh. She gives her a phone when she wouldn't allow it for the last 2 years, gives her her time, never yells, etc. The thing is once my W is on her own and the demands of her life start weighing down on her, I know she will go back to being just like she was before. When she's with my D she says how she wants her to get to go to the school she wants to go to (very important to my D) but when our D isn't around she refuses to even consider it! When I ask her about what she plans on doing when she has to go away for work, she just tells me she will leave her with her "friends", something my D would never want! She hasn't even told her that she filed for D and is letting her believe that she is just trying to see if separation helps things.
I know that my W is lying to my D14. I know she is saying one thing to her and another when we talk. I know that my D is going to be hurt by just the fact that her parents are getting D. I must now have to worry about what will she feel when she finds out the truth and the truth is, right now my W will say anything she thinks our D wants to hear but will she really be able to come through when the reality of being a single parent with a D that needs her to be there hits her? The last 3 years tell me she won't. The fact that she says one thing to her and the opposite to me tells me the same.
You may very well end up glad that for now at least, your H is out of the picture. Your kids are where they need to be right now. With the sane acting, stable parent...YOU!
