Thank you both for your words of encouragement. It is sick that he posted those things on fb the way he did.
Last night I acted as if. I didn't know about all those things so I really was genuine lol. We played basketball together. I thanked him for coming and said have a good night. He said thank you you too.
I slept maybe 2 hours and don't know how I'm going to function at work today. I'm not in a good place. I don't get how he can do this to us. How he needs to constantly get validation and post everything on Facebook. I don't get how someone can let their daughter be wjth a married man with 2 children. I guess there's a lot I will never get. I don't get that you leave your wife for a teenager and then make it out that you JUST started dating.
He went from saying it was because he was unhappy and I never appreciated him to now he's not home because of my dad. Because of issues he has with my father. My father - the one he calls dad and the one he has reached out to 'because he's all he has'
I know this is not the man I married. I know that but I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I looked at my boys and just cried last night. I can't imagine anyone would knowingly and willingly put their family through this
I can't believe he's taking her up north in august. He did the same thing with me when we first started dating
He went from saying it was because he was unhappy and I never appreciated him to now he's not home because of my dad. Because of issues he has with my father. My father - the one he calls dad and the one he has reached out to 'because he's all he has'
Would this be considered an improvement? After all he is not blaming you anymore, but someone else.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
So many things going on... But detachment is going to be a common theme here:
Originally Posted By: T0324
I'm not in a good place. I don't get how he can do this to us.
He isn't doing anything TO you. (sure he he doing things without you). Your good or bad place is only determined by you. Think about it, your in a bad place because of how you feel about 2 people. One of which you have never met, and the other you have not had a conversation with in several months, and when you did have conversations.... he wouldn't know the truth if it was staring him in the face. Does that sound rational? Remember... LET GO, LET GO, LET GO.
Originally Posted By: T0324
How he needs to constantly get validation and post everything on Facebook.
It seems alternatively, you look to FB for self validation, via his life.... Furthermore, you are looking for self validation via the "friends" he has recently acquired, and you have never met. LET GO, LET GO, LET GO
Originally Posted By: T0324
I don't get how someone can let their daughter be wjth a married man with 2 children. I guess there's a lot I will never get. I don't get that you leave your wife for a teenager and then make it out that you JUST started dating.
Its not for you to "get", Let go, let go, let go
Originally Posted By: T0324
He went from saying it was because he was unhappy and I never appreciated him to now he's not home because of my dad. Because of issues he has with my father. My father - the one he calls dad and the one he has reached out to 'because he's all he has'
Yep, remember when dealing with WAS, scripts will change on the fly. Actually its less of a script and more of Improv. Trying to keep up with the scrips, and trying to wrap your mind around it will only continue to drive you nuts. Let Go, Let Go, Let go.
Originally Posted By: T0324
I know this is not the man I married.
Its been said ad nauseum here, but I might as well say it again: That guy is gone, the aliens have him. He might return, he might not.
Originally Posted By: T0324
I know that but I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.
You are only doing it as long as you stay attached. The moment you detach, this stops having such a dramatic effect on you and your family. Let Go, Let go, Let go
Originally Posted By: T0324
I can't believe he's taking her up north in august.
What does him taking an American Pie vacation with 18girl have to do with anything in YOUR life? Let go, Let go, Let go
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
He went from saying it was because he was unhappy and I never appreciated him to now he's not home because of my dad. Because of issues he has with my father. My father - the one he calls dad and the one he has reached out to 'because he's all he has'
Would this be considered an improvement? After all he is not blaming you anymore, but someone else.
IMhO, yes... T3024 has diminished her role in his life (she is not standing next to him) so the blame is now getting shifted to another person.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
One other side note: and this is not to dig at him to throw gas on your fire. Rather, I am trying to give you a nudge to help you detach.
Quote:
I don't get how someone can let their daughter be wjth a married man with 2 children. I guess there's a lot I will never get. I don't get that you leave your wife for a teenager and then make it out that you JUST started dating.
You have built this caricature about him, and the life he is trying to create. Surrounded by this happy R with 18girl, and her family. It feels like you have them sunshine and rainbows ready to walk down the aisle before the ink dries on the divorce.
You have these assumptions that they are happy, totally honest with each other in that dynamic.
However, you have a history with him about him not telling the truth, and rewriting history.
Why do you make the assumption that you have the market cornered with him not being truthful about your M and family, and extended family (and really his entire life)?
That entire new group is still finding their own way, he still has quite a bit of "new car" smell on him (as both a BF and a house-guest). As he makes some missteps with the truth, that new car smell will start to fade.
Again, giving you nudges to help detach.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
I'm still here. Still hoping to somehow save my marriage even after all the things that have happened the last few days. He is gone - he didn't show up last night on his night to have the boys.
I don't know if there's anything to save anymore from his standpoint
Not surprised he didn't pick up the boys. He's just so messed up right now.
The only thing you can do is detach from the insanity. He's been abducted by aliens and needs to find his own way. Open the cage and set him free. It's the only way he'll ever think about coming back.
I am doing that. I sent him a text to tell him about the boys basketball games (he has gone to practice and hasn't introduced himself to the coach or asked about games). Anyway I was told he's going out of town with his girlfriend. So he said he won't be around but to wish the boys good luck. Then he said you never told me they had a game so I made other plans'. I just said 'okay have a good weekend' I'm not being the blame for him Not being a dad
