Let It Go

[LoisB]

Brook,

One other thought...I know this isn't what we all dream about when we first hold them in our arms...but...

I was raised by a dad that sounds a lot like your ExH. My dad is very full of himself and always drives around in the latest Ferrari to feed his ego.

I spent last weekend with my sister. There were things I saw that I felt sad about. My sister runs herself ragged while my BIL is treated like a King. He gets to go and do whatever he wants...and spend whatever he wants, while my sister works like a dog to keep up with the kids and her job and everything else. She neglects herself and builds him up. She doesn't see it.

When you ask my sister, "Are you OK?"...when it's obvious she is stressed...her response is, "I'm fine."

My anger towards my dad after his affairs and treatment of my mom gave me the space I needed from my dad over the years.

My sister, on the other hand, saw him like clockwork. Every other weekend with phone calls in between. He was very available to her in the sense that he was present physically and he was consistent. I appreciate now how my dad honored that commitment and he lived two hours away.

At the same time...I was just discussing this with D20 in fact...this meant my sister HAD to deal with my dad. I didn't.

My dad is a very sexist, full-of-himself kinda guy.

At 45, I still have a hard time speaking my own truth to my dad. He is a very intimidating kinda guy. My sister, on the other hand, she just agrees and NEVER, EVER gets angry.

Some distance from your ExH may be God's way of giving them some space to become the girls HE (God) intends, minus the overbearing stuff they will need to face during the time they do get with him.

Look at the facts. Your ExH is a D-Bag. Your dream was NEVER to have your girls raised by a D-Bag. Yes, it's sad...but, maybe it's your HP's way of taking care of those awesome little girls??