It's been a while, but things are improving

[JustLearning]

I know a lot of you don't know me, I've been on these boards over 2 years now, but don't post much. When I pulled up my thread I hadn't realized it has been 4 months since I've posted on my own thread!

I guess the reason I don't post much is that it seems like the same old thing. Things are still just kind of "hanging out there" waiting for someone to DO SOMETHING, anything. In my last post I had talked about pushing my H with the things I said. Once I had realized that's what I was doing, things for me changed. I stopped bringing up any R talk. And even admitted it to H. He agreed with me. Of course it's not changed anything.

I'm still in school, and I've figured out that I will be done in the spring of '06! But now I've decided I will be enrolling in another school to finish my Bachelors in the specific field I want to get into. So at this rate, I'll be at retiring age by the time I'm ready to start my new career!

Things between H and I are better. We talk a bit more. He acts like he's going to be around awhile, although its still in the friendship stage. But I'm getting to another level of intolerance of his treatment of me. Still isn't following thru on things he says he's going to do, but that only pertains to me. Whenever he says he's coming over or he'll watch the kids, he does. So why can't he call when he says he will? Why can't he sit and talk with me about this R when he says that he will?

These are the things that are wearing me down. Lonliness and wanting male companionship and intimacy are very high right now. And he doesn't seem to really care. It's like I see glimpses of the man I used to know, but the loving, passionate part of that man is gone. Does it always work that way?

Work still seems to get in the way of a lot of things for him. He's out of town most of this week, then leaves again on Sat. for another business trip. We might be blessed with his presence on Friday before he heads out again.

I know I have detached quite a bit over the last few months. But it is still so hard when he throws just a bit of hope my way every so often. It's hard to completely let go. But I'm trying.

My boys are doing really well. S10 made all A's honor roll at school. I'm SSSOOOO proud of him! S7 is having a bit more trouble. He has a harder time with his Dad not being around much. Although he's getting it. He asked my H several weeks ago if my H could ask me if H could spend the night! I almost split my side trying not to laugh with S7 in the room! It was so funny in how he worded it, like he knew he didn't live here anymore and had to get permission. Of course, H didn't stay. No surprise there.

Anyway, he comes and goes with the breeze and I'm still here, keeping my tree firmly rooted in the ground. All I need now is a few lessons in time management! It's not that I'm so busy that I have no time for myself. It's more like I have enough time, I'll do "it" later. Like laundry, dishes, etc. Which then puts me behind in everything else. I'm getting tired of always trying to catch up. Any suggestions?

If you've gotten this far, thanks! I'm actually going to try to post a bit more, then maybe I wouldn't always have to write books each time I post.

So...any suggestions as to where I go from here in how to deal with H?

JL