It's been a while, but things are improving

[JustLearning]

Thanks DNO, you are so absolutely right!! I have been concentrating on a lot of R talks lately. I am just so tired of not knowing what the heck is going on that I feel that I need to spout.

Sometimes I have wondered if I say things at times just to see if I can get a rise of out H. Make him yell at me, say mean things. Something other than these terrible silences.

He has opened up a bit last weekend. He took our S7 overnight last Sat. for the very first time. I had a really hard time and so did S7 at first. I knew he'd be fine once they left, but it was a very tearful goodbye. H did not take him to his place tho'. They stayed at a new friend's of his that went out of town and asked him to cat-sit. Then he calls me twice on Sun telling me what they've been up to and what they were going to be doing. Why did he do this? I never asked for a play by play description of their weekend.

Then when they got home H tells me he had such a good time and thinks he's missing a lot and wondering if he's making a big mistake. We did talk a little about our sitch. He doesn't believe that we can change enough to make this R work. He doesn't know where to start. But still is thinking that maybe he doesn't want to severe his ties to us. I just know he's really confused.

What can I tell him? How do we start?

We had a race weekend this weekend and I decided not to go. He went, but without the race car. Apparently his heart just wasn't in it this W/E because of the stuff he's dealing with at work is draining him. I didn't go because...I don't really know why. I just couldn't go. Maybe it was to protect myself from expectations and rejections again. But now I'm afraid he's going to re-think his idea of trying to work this out. I told him a week ago I wouldn't go because it was too hard to be around him for that amount of time and have to pretend.

I haven't heard from him all weekend. Which doesn't really surprise me, but it still hurts. When is he going to finally figure this out? It's driving me batty!!

I will, from now on, not say anything about our R, unless he starts it. Then I'll say very little. Otherwise I need to sew a zipper on these lips.

But how do I get him to take small steps towards me again? Can I ask him out on a date? Do I call him once in a while? What now??

Please any advice would be extremely helpful right now.

Thanks!!