I came home yesterday and we are back to being super polite but avoiding each other. I am feeling sad again, and remorseful for confiding in people when I was angry over the past few days. It really feels like there is no turning back now, which probably was always the case, but now I feel like I betrayed him by airing our dirty laundry to a friend and a family member. It felt good at the time but now I feel terrible--and I know that I am so done with this situation that I am not opposed to getting papers written up just to not be in limbo anymore, but my heart still wants us to work this out.
I'm hurting so much, and I am ashamed of betraying his trust by talking about our issues--my issues with him. I still don't know what his issues with me are so I'm sure I made him look like the bad guy and me the victim. But I know he is not a bad guy. I love him and still believe that this version of him is not real. I still believe that the things that have haunted us our entire marriage can be fixed. Am I naive to believe that? Am I just a fool? Why do I feel strong and confident with the relationship being over when I am away from him, but as soon as I see him I can't imagine having to let him go--ever.
Last edited by mustardseed; 06/19/1412:41 AM.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
