Wow, how time flies when living in the Twilight Zone! I can't believe it's been a month since my last post!

I've been busy that last few weeks with a math class. It's a full semester class, but in half the time, so lots and lots of homework in a short amount of time. But I'm determined to earn my degree so I continue to move forward.

Things have been up and down in the R area. We all went to FL for a week (H included). We had a pretty good time. I didn't think H was really enjoying himself much, just tolerating. But once we got back he text'd me and said he had a great time.? Who knows. But it certainly didn't bring the two of us any closer. We slept in the same bed and that's all we did. My fault for having some kind of expectation. I dealt with it tho. We did have a heavy discussion one night, to the point of us both in tears and me feeling that this trip was the beginning of the end. Yet, the next am, he's hugging me and giving me a kiss. The same when we got home and he was getting ready to leave for his place (which he pointed out to me on the ride home).

Why now? Why show me now where he is staying? How many times have I asked? Doesn't make sense. Anyway, we have gone back to the status quo of him coming and calling every few days. He's coming over shortly to take us bowling. His suggestion after S7 was asking me about going and i gave an answer of yes, but not sure when. H piped up and said how about Tues? What's that about?

I just don't get him. I don't "do it" for him, yet he can't seem to quite let go. I told him again, that if he wants his freedom, he has to do the work. I will not do his dirty work for him.

Anyway, life has gone back to normal Twilight Zone mode and for now I guess I am ok with it. Still standing, getting tired, but still standing.

Trying to find things to do this summer so that I don't fall back into a depression like I did last summer. Don't want to go there again. Signed up S7 for swim lessons and I'm thinking about horse riding lessons for myself.

JJ, you are right, it's so hard to see the progress when you're right in the middle of it. I see it and yet wonder when I can feel that my H and I have reconnected and feel confident that we will survive this? I'm just tired of wondering where my R is going.

I know keep moving forward, keep looking forward, keep doing for myself and my boys.

Take care everyone, and I'd love to hear your comments and/or suggestions.

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...