Thank you Cadet! Its bittersweet to have those type of pills.
The other day I called XH regarding insurance card. Ok not that I mean to sound cruel bit I had a hell of a year and I deserve a little aha! He informed me he's moving to Fresno to be close to his parents. The relationship he has with them is increasingly toxic as is my relationship with my parents which is why I distant myself. XH says there is nothing left in LA for him but when we were married he claimed to love the city life out here as his mother claimed. Now he's running home to mom and dad again so they can tell him what he likes instead of finding happiness on his own. I thought for so long and all the accusing he put on me for stating he had too close of a relationship have claimed me right. Now I'm not against moving next to mom and dad but only when I can clearly see that person is in pain everytime they see their parents and they need more of that pain....and I allowed him to bring that toxic relationship in our marriage and allowed it to affect me. Shame on me for thinking I deserved that.also friend showed me a pic of X on FB as I don't have an account (also she showed me at her own will I didn't ask for the picture) he has gained all the weight I've lost. Any inkling of attraction I've had for him is gone. Stop taking care of looks + weakened by mommy = nope nope nope. For the first time since our separation, I feel like he's not good enough for me. I know that's very full of myself, but I'm getting to that stage thinking, was I blind during our entire marriage?
Anyway, that was a good moment for me, because I realized then someone better was waiting out there. But first I need to continue my own self improvements. I can't wear make up at my work lab but have made a goal to wear it outside of lab. I also made a goal with my sister to shop invest in nice clothes once a month. I bought a gel nail kit and started doing my nails regularly. Right now in life I feel amazing. Time to enact new goals for next week.
