Gray, I had typed this up and then the thread locked, so I hope it's not something repeated. , We hear the frustration in your posts. Please don't feel under attack b/c people here want to help you.
I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I have to ask......did you really think through what life may hold by M an older woman? Plus, these particular physical issues (Diabetes, hysterectomy, cancer, etc.) ages a woman much faster than one who doesn't have it.
Cymbolta does not affect everyone with low libido. From what I've read, only about one percent of female patients experience it. It is usually prescribed for people who live with pain every day. If I had to choose between suffering with neuropathy or having a lower libido, I would take the Cymbolta. In fact, I did.
I really hope you can get your focus off the AD med, b/c the problem was there before she started taking it. And, she's just recently started, right?
My suggestion is that she go to a specialist in hormone balancing. It is much, much more involved than checking her lack of estrogen. They can do test to see exactly what her body is deficient in, instead of guess work. It could be anything from not enough thyroid hormones, adrenal fatigue, fibromyalgia.....just to name three I know about that all which have symptoms of low energy and fatigue. They can help with low libido, too!
I have heard it puts a lot of pressure on a woman being M to a much younger man. She may not feel comfortable discussing some things. She may fear it would drive you away, IDK. Just as a guess, she probably is wondering why she's changed and feels this way, and concerned how you could see her in the near future.
You told of a recent night of LM and how great it was. But it didn't seem to help. You count the days or weeks, but aren't you leaving that night out? IDK, maybe I missed something. If there is not anything physically causing the problem, I think you have little option except to question your own smothering methods. We women love romance, but frankly, I wouldn't want my H to just keep on and on with the touch-feely stuff, following me around wanting my undivided attention (especially sexually) or trying to please me every minute. Not every single night! The romance starts to fizzle when you over-kill. That is why it was suggested backing off and getting involved in something besides her. Or hang out with her, but don't make it be this love-slave scenario.
Each of you need things independent from each other & work. You said you basically gave up your friends and your activities for hers. But it may not be so attractive to your W if she feels you are co-dependent. If you announce that you're going somewhere so she can have space, it will make you even less attractive, so just truly find something to enjoy part of the time. Then when you try to be romantic, her fires will be lit more easily.
You know, most of us love sweets. But we need to include other things or it can make us very sick after a while.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
