Thanks T2 for posting, its nice to know someone other than me is reading my thread!

H was here this afternoon to spend time with me and S7 before he left tonight on a business trip. He'll be gone for most of the week. Funny how detachment brings feelings of comfort. Maybe its because H seems to be moving towards me again. Not sure. It's just this feeling that I don't have to panic anymore after he leaves or hangs up the phone. In the beginning I always had the fear it would be the last. Now, over the last couple of months or so, its a feeling of peace. Knowing that he will eventually call again. Just a matter of time.

His calls are now every couple of days or so. It's not everyday like it used to be pre-bomb, but so much better than it was.

We are talking about many future things, that it actually is taking time for it to all sink in. Our vacation in 2 weeks, turning in our lease cars and getting new ones, the possibility of moving closer to the city and closer to his work. It all seems so positive and yet...
-no ILY's
-no ML
-no direct talk of him moving back in

Why? Can't quite figure this one out. I don't obsess about it like I used to. I have my own life to live now and it doesn't include obsessing about him! Yeah for me!

If I dwell on these things, I get irritated, so I don't go there. I am trying so hard to take things easily. Be laid back and just look at him as a new suitor.

But how long do I let this bit of limbo last? This patience stuff is way too hard!!

Oh yeah, today we actually touched on the money subject. Something he's avoided like the plague pretty much since he left. I get his paycheck(and am grateful b/c I know many of you have to struggle when the WAS takes his paycheck too), but also get all the bills. And unfortunately have not saved as much money as I feel I could have. But talking briefly about it today, and owning up to my spending of late, his attitude was "I understand, not a problem, but let's try to get started in saving again." Wow!

My H has always been very concerned about the money we save. Until he left. I told him today my reasons (and excuses) for spending too much (in the beginning I panicked and bought many things for myself in case he took his paycheck away). He seems to understand and didn't get upset with me. And I don't feel guilty either! Which has always been a huge issue for me. Feeling guilty about doing things for myself. Those days are gone!!!

If anything good has come out of this mess, it's the fact that I have grown up some, and learned so much about myself. It has taught me to be the person I know that I am but was too afraid to show it to anyone.

Never change who you are for someone else. You become miserable and unhappy. Learn to compromise in certain things, but not your values or your integrity or your courage to be you.

I think I am attracting my H again by being the woman I was when we first met. That woman will never allow her voice to be squashed again!

Take care and happy Mother's Day to all you Moms!

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...