Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

Now a few things I think I have discoverd about myself.

In the early 90's after a previous girlfriend left me, I went to counceling and learnt I was passive aggressive. I didn't think that much of it at the time. I talked and talked for years with my councelor, but didn't really feel that much different when I left. I was, however able to get over it, fall into this relationship, buy a house together, have children and move to a different part of the country.

In the past 3 weeks however I have discovered a lot more about relationships and personalities and judging from what she says and what I have found, I believe I have a dependent personality. I can readily identify with some of these traits and feel I know know exactly when and where they started. This was when my parents moved the family to a place I absolutely loathed and I was left 'alone' to get on with it. I obviously learnt these 'skills' which enabled me to survive, but which affected my ability to have a close relationship with people.

So this makes absolute sense as she was always the driver in the relationship. She has passion, drive and is high motivated. I think she feels she has lost some of that and I wants to regain it. Having this new job (which I found for her by the way) has reinvogorated her as well.

But now being with me in this long distance relationship, taking a back seat, though willingly going along with what she wants to do, has drained her life force. She say we'll both be better off: we exist quite happily away from each other during the week and I never even bothered phoning. That is so, but I said there hasn't been a day when I've gone to bed alone and woke up alone wishing I was back at home. All too little, too late.

Rambling over for a while. I feel I'm in danger of just going on and on about it instead of doing something about it.