Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

OK, thanks Cadet. A few observations.

I am 'the sort of person who has taken a back seat throughout much of your marriage'. I am known for having quiet days. More of this later.

I have been crying a lot, and in front of her, but not in front of the children. I have been banned from disturbing her if she is sleeping (we still share the same bed) by my attention seeking misery as she is also dog tired from being on call 24/7 with the children. I have to do this becuase 'she can't stop, have a breakdown, she has to carry on regardless for the sake of the children' and all this time 'I'm away without a care in the world during the week'.

Of course I have indulged in a lot of 'whys', 'if onlys' and 'what ifs' with her. But she has remained calm and resolute re-iterating her decision that the relationship - and she's careful to say not me - doesn't work work for her any longer.

Apparently I will make a very good partner next time for someone who can put up with my lack of emotional connection, passion and drive. Hmmm! She said the relationship worked for her in the past, enabled her to have a stable base to build on, but now she needs more.

And on top of this I am expected to play the good dad even though I am hurting inside. How does anyone get through this?

I fear 'going dark' for me would just be seen as more self indulgent introversion. I have been kind of going dark for the last 6 months when she got an infecton that prevented us having sex; which had become a chore for her anyway. She got some medication and I asked the next week how she was. The response was 'why do you want to know when you can sex again'? I didn't ask again. I waited and waited, over Xmas, New Year, Valentine's Day, her birthday, my birthday. Nothing. Not even the slightest hint of affection and I became resentful. Sigh.