What to do II

[GoatGal]

[quote=thesoundofwings]You mean to tell me that your W is a physical touch LL and you're addicted to porn? Man... did you miss out.

I'm a quality time. Physical touch is a VERY close second for me. So, let me illuminate this for you: You violated her. When you use something else to satisfy your physical needs... instead of meeting HER LOVE NEEDS in the process...

You can't imagine how horribly betrayed a woman who needs physical touch feels when she can no long physically connect with her partner. When she feels like she's not going to be seen. That she's just a replacement for porn. That she's just an object, a c#m catcher. That you don't want her, you just want to get off.

That you don't love her and you're just trying to shut her up or you're sexually frustrated.

Because physical affection is so very, very high for me on the LL scale - really alternates with time for first pick - I need to feel loved and SEEN in the majority of physically intimate moments or I will hate him for trying to get kinky and f-ck me. There's a strange sort of "I must feel *this loved* for you to ride this ride," requirement. If that ain't met... don't freakin' touch me, you insensitive b@st@rd.

Personally, my H will probably never get it totally right because words are a really high score for me, too, and he's quiet in bed. Just so you know, if words of affirmation are in play for your wife and you're not tell her that you love her and she's gorgeous in bed... you're short changing both of you. Nothing gets me off quicker than those rare times when my H has been fully present and told me sweet things in bed.

Now... My H is not physical. It's the lowest scored LL for him. Between that and his porn addiction things got so bad that I found that there would be WEEKS with no one touching me. He doesn't even hold hands. You can't imagine how horribly, soul-crushingly painful and agonizing that is. I was touch starved for years. And I hated him for it. Being a fiercely loyal sort, I started going to massage therapy and spending money on pedicures to try and fill some of the emptiness. I was so depressed. So resentful. But I tell you, this is how affairs happen.


[/b]I wanted him to get his sorry a$$ home from work by 7 every day, tell me the dinner I cooked was fantastic, snuggled up behind me in the middle of the living room, wrap his arms and legs around me, put his hands over mine, and teach me to play video games, make out with me, take me to bed, and f-ck into the mattress every. single. night. And he missed it. Because he's an idiot.



All this ^^^^^ and the BOLD print even more.

It kills me that my H chose to have an affair where he could just have meaningless sex with someone not very important to him, instead of taking advantage of what he had waiting at home.

Many times I felt I would have been justified to cheat. I had plenty of chances to do so. But I am loyal, just not wired that way.

I too found ways of getting my "physical needs" met in healthier ways. I discovered partner dancing.
I get hugs and friendship, and get to feel a man's arms around me in a warm, connected, non-sexual way. (99.99% of the time. Sometimes, there is that !zing! but it's just a dance, nothing more. I make sure of that. )

Do you know how SAD and lonely that is?