Hi DNO, thanks for bringing my thread from the brink of oblivion! I know I am terrible about posting, but I do try to keep up with a few threads.

My Easter was a decent one. The bunny left eggs out in the yard for S7 to find (S10 spends Easter holiday with his dad) and then was so excited when he came back in from egg hunting, there was another basket on the table! My parents came down and I made Easter dinner, but the really cool part was that H came over too! My parents were glad to see him and I hope it made him see that they still care about him.

He left only about a half hour ago. We are talking alot better, but I do still have fears. He still isn't filling in the blanks about where he lives, or about the OW, and I have dropped those questions (for now. I still feel I deserve to know these things. Maybe it really doesn't matter, so I try to let go but is still hard at times). I guess its a trust thing. Not a topic we talk much about yet.

The really exciting part is that he is going on vacation with me and the boys to FL!! My fear is that he will back out at the last minute, but I'm not worrying about the "what if's". And if he does, we (me and the boys) are still going. We are going the end of May, I am thrilled, but try to keep the enthusiasm to a dull roar!

I am still in school, not doing as well as I could be, but think I will still get decent grades. Then one class for the Spring semester. I'll be so glad to see summer. This year will be different that last year. I was at such a low point last summer, I don't plan on being that way again. Summer is too beautiful a season to ruin it with depression! I plan on doing things for myself, like taking horse-back riding lessons. It is something I loved to do as a kid, but grew up and thought it was only a kid thing. But I still love horses and want to be around them again. So it ought to be fun.

My boys are doing fairly well. I have moments with S7, but usually he's good. Both are in scouts and they will be starting after school programs after the holiday break. So, my plate is full (in fact too full, I've gained all of my post-bomb stress weight, plus some! Yuck!).

I am getting stronger mentally, still have set backs, but am steadily having more good days than bad. Now all I have to do is squeeze in a diet & exercize plan into my life somewhere and I'll be great!

The great thing is that I know that my strength is coming from myself, not from the way my R with my H is improving. It is slow, but I guess that's a good thing. Forces me to practice my patience, something I've never been real good at!

Well, off to bed, got homework I need to finish off in the morning.

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...