It's been a while, but things are improving

[JustLearning]

Sorry that I've not been posting, I tend to read threads after midnight and by then my brain doesn't allow me to think well enough to type good thoughts into words.

But thanks hoping, DNO and Rueben for your responses and checking up on me. It is much appreciated!

Things on the school front is on hold this week. My winter break has been this week and its been busy! I've gotten behind in some homework, so I'm trying to get caught up before I go back. Getting behind is my own fault, but I know that I'll catch up, I seem to thrive on deadlines!

H and I are still moving forward in a positive way. I have been unable to answer H's letter on paper, but we have been discussing it and I read to him what I had started, just so that he knew in what direction I was going with it.

This whole new process is so hard to put into words, maybe that's part of why I've not posted. It's nothing really specific, but things like him asking for us to go to dinner. He talks about "us" and the future regarding our racing this summer. He talks about what "we" are going to do about vehicles when our current leases are up. We've even talked about moving closer to his work! (That move would also benefit me alone, since my parents will be moving once their house is sold, and me moving a bit closer to the metro area would bring me closer to them, eventually). I've asked him if talking about us moving bothers him or pressures him and he says no and seems very genuine about it.

What I seem to be finding is that the closer we seem to be getting, the better I seem to do with the detaching part. We seem to see each other only once, maybe twice a week because of our schedules and distance, but it really doesn't bother me. I don't wait for his call, I don't wonder when I will see him next. When he leaves, I actually smile(last night when he left he lingered in the garage for almost 15 minutes talking to me, like he didn't want to go! It was midnight and he had to be to work this a.m. at 7!

Good sign? You bet! Expectations? Yes, but on a smale scale, like expecting he will continue to watch the kids for me on school nights, that he will continue to follow up on what he says he will do, like calling when he says he will.

But I have to admit I'm scared. Scared that this progress will collapse, just as it did last summer. But I'm in such a different place in my life, and I think he is too.

There are still loads of questions I don't have answers for, like where he lives, or the status of the supposed OW. But my instinct tells me she is not in the picture any longer. He seems closer to me, not as reserved. Still a long way from him throwing me to the floor and ravishing me, but I think its not too far in the future! An expectation? Not really, more of a wish!

Anyway, I've got to go and e-mail my resume to a potential employer. Oh yeah, and I called about an ad in the paper for a personal assistant. It seems perfect for my schedule and it will give me some extra spending cash of my own. The best part of it is that I would be able to set my own hours and do a lot of the work from home! So cross your fingers for me.

I'm truly not sure if its a good idea for me to try to work with everything else (no offense to those who have no choice). I'm scared that I won't be able to handle doing it all. But I guess I won't know unless I try right?

Let me know what you think or if you have any comments, suggestions or tips on being Super Mom, I'd love to hear them!

JL