I just got back to the board and this boat is still where I left it.
Wife went to doc and got on Cymbalta.
Wife has "very bad, very painful" neuropathy from...
WIFE HAD CANCER. Went through a rapid surgical menopause.. --------------------------------
In your wife's shoes, I'd be depressed as hell. Especially if my new, younger husband was getting a bird's eye view of the ugly side of getting older that we all face.
She is in constant, severe pain (I have nerve pain from a back injury and I'll tell you, it does not bring out the vixen in me.)
Just because she can put on a happy face around you does NOT mean she isn't seriously depressed.
A True Story: My mother went to see a shrink at my urging, laughed and charmed her way through the entire appointment, he says my concerns are unfounded... The next day I get a call that she tried to end her life in a gas-filled garage. She then ended up in a hospital getting the treatment she needed.
Your wife might be just as depressed, not seeing any reason to keep going, and you're worried that the Cymbalta will affect her sex drive? I can bet that under the circumstances, she really must need this drug if she knows it will decrease her drive even more.
I'm projecting, but I suspect your wife has been downplaying all she's going through because she doesn't want to lose you.
I am not hearing much compassion on your end and that disturbs me. It sounds like all your wining and dining is just to get her in the sack...it's been a week and instead of chilling out, you're getting more wound up about your sex life.
It's pressure, pressure, and more pressure.
How fearful should your wife be that you will leave her if you can't get her to fix it on your timetable?
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's coming off like you really don't care much about what she's going through. It doesn't sound like unconditional love right now. It really hasn't been all that long. You're not gonna die.
Stop thinking of yourself if you can. Take a breath.
---GG
I'm sorry if it's coming off that way, but yes, I do care about her.
It's interesting to think about how people would respond if she was here to put in her point of view. But she's not depressed. Let's start with that.
Talked to her more last night just about that part, it does have more to do with her diabetic pain, plus other diabetic issues she's pending for seeing an endocrinologist to address the hormone side.
Of course, they can't see her for at least another month.
I'm just going to state this again to see if it holds, just for the sake of the argument to see what the next step I need to take should be; Our marriage is very good, my wife is very happy, she just doesn't want to have sex. She's too tired, now from Cymbalta adding to it much worse, for example.
The problem is I still want to have sex. Often I'm ok. In fact, usually it's fine. But sometimes it gets very, very stressfull and difficult to simply stay happy with the idea that this is the way it has to be for now and to just wait and wait and wait. Am I impatient? No. But that doesn't mean it isn't ok for it to completely suck that neither me or my wife knows why she doesn't want to have sex with me anymore.
So my therapist sends me home with 5 books yesterday, I read one of them cover to cover, they all seem to say the things I'm doing right. Meanwhile, there seems to be a prevalent assumption here that I'm simply still doing something wrong. I don't know how to convince anyone on that, and ironically I'm not even sure if my wife could either, no matter how close to the truth it might be.
