mlc rut

[pbetra]

matt165
we do have similar experiences. Thx for sharing!

re: >> am trying to understand why it is that I allowed this to become OK with me. What is it about me that thought and still thinks that it was acceptable that I be put in that position? Why did I think that because I did this I was showing my W my love and devotion? <<

I am a naturally empathic person, understanding, non-judgemental, good listener, never repeats someone else's biz (it is for them to do so). Many people misunderstand that for weakness, stupidity. I know my H does.

I felt that I was being understanding toward someone who I cared for. I assume the same with you (!?) - this is what spouses do for their partners & relationships, otherwise we would be roomies or acquaintances. We chose to be advocates with this partner as we navigate the ONE life we have together! That's why I did it anyway - this was also my life friend ... why wouldn't I be understanding?

Someone told me about an English movie Tamara Drewe. It's no blockbuster & not everyone's 'cuppa tea' as movies go. However, infidelity was an issue >> when asked why you cheat on your W, the cheating H answered "because she lets me" <<

I have no intention of changing - I like myself, I'm just not the most confident about myself in many areas (& know why).
My attitude is to be more selective to not be taken advantage of & to reserve my energy for those who would act likewise.

Thx too for the reminder re: blame . This was hard at first - wondering what I did so very wrong ...
I cannot believe the pettiness I hear sometimes! 15 yrs of marriage & my "expression that day" - it goes on. If he thought about it, he would realize it makes no sense. Right now I am just trying to get out of this rut in an effort to move forward. The flux has been too much.

You seem to be managing 'well enough' matt165. Good luck to you as well re: your own efforts & peace of mind. Thx again for your kind words & support.
pbetra