Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

Well I wrote a really long post yesterday and lost it somehow.
Looking for some input, thoughts, veteran observations....

Went to theme park yesterday- had lots of fun again! H was reaching out even more than before. Here is my journaling from yesterday....

Weird day- lots of touches ( sweet and sexual in a playful way) major flirting and innuendos ( reminded me of when he was 16 when we met....), paying attention to me, watching when he thought I didn't notice, hugs and thank you for coming on vacation with everyone even though he knows it's hard. At one point was talking about dating, I got upset ( I've already told him that's something I don't want to think about right now but he keeps bringing it up) and he said it's going to happen eventually so he thought we should talk about it. I explained that I'm still grieving and it's like someone dying- I'm not at point of thinking of replacing that person. Said wow, told me I deserved so much better and hugged me. Said I look beautiful.
Then in car brought up FB and how his friend told him others would de friend us based on who they want to support. He thought that wouldn't happen. I thought it would. Then he noticed I was upset- said I should just tell him to shut up! I said I just prefer not to focus on loss and stay on the positive.

Reconnection? Acceptance? I'm so confused. Making decisions based on what's best for me...

It's like he tests the waters a little, tries to get close then runs back away by saying something that makes it seem like this is permanent. I behave as if it's permanent too but still interact playfully. I'm not willing to be intimate right now b/c I think that would adversely impact my PMA by sucking me back in.

This morning he called me babe and then said I guess I have to stop saying that, your boyfriend won't like it. I said you need to stop saying anything about a boyfriend.....

Ok bring on the comments, advice, observations please. Trying to keep my expectations at zero but he's making it quite hard!