I looked up my last post, since I knew it's been awhile since I've posted. Since July! I didn't realize its been that long. Sheesh! I will try to link my last thread, which was in Piecing, but fell off the radar. The first post has a long summary of what has happened. I'll condense it here.

M 8 yrs., OS 10yr (prev. M) and YS 7yr(H S)
7/02 things start going weird, H is very distant (after a family 2 wk holiday). We are hardly speaking, but the outside world sees nothing wrong. Beginning 8/02 I get the ILYBNILWY bomb, we are going around and around about the problems, me begging, pleading, saying it can be fixed; blah, blah, blah.

H leaves 8/11/02. My world falls apart. Contact is very sporadic until about Oct. We are talking a bit more, he's thinking about an apt. (he's not telling me where he lives), but doesn't get it. By Dec. we are doing things together with the boys. A week before X-mas he casually says as he's walking out the door that he'll come for X-mas Eve, stay the night, and maybe for good. He does. For all of 2 months. He's a blob on the couch, coming home late every night, leaving for work early mornings, sleeping on the couch.

Valentine's Day Eve (is there such a day? ) he leaves like a thief in the night. Left a note. So V-Day sucked for me. Didn't know what had happened, or when I'd here from him again.

I had picked up DR early on just after he moved out the first time, but had a really hard time implementing the ideas. By early Spring '03 we are on talking terms again, he's staying with kids so I can go back to school.

A possible OW, never have really gotten the whole story of their involvement, I try to pretend she doesn't exist.

We've been up and down, put he still seems to come back. Sort of like a bad penny . Is that a good sign?

Anyway, I've gotten a lot stronger, am telling him truths that I was afraid to say in the past. If he makes me mad, sad, happy, appreciative, I tell him. I am still going to school, he seems quite willing to help me all he can with childcare. I'm succeeding in not fixing everything for him.

Think he had a bit of a MLC, but not full blown. Think its him trying to deal with his own demons and things that he didn't deal with years ago.

I am getting kisses and hugs when he leaves here. With both of us initiating. Nothing more but am getting optimistic.

I got an e-mail from him trying to put his thoughts on paper, since they don't seem to come out of his mouth! Can't seem to talk about the emotionally things. But is trying. So I got this mail today letting me know what kinds of things bothered him, what he saw as the downward spiral of our marriage.

Mostly petty things, like me not doing dishes, or cleaning house often, or not paying bills on his schedule. We have really started the process, but I know he's really afraid of how to go forward with all this.

And he's asked me to go to dinner with him for V-Day (although it won't be ON V-day since he'll be out of town). But HE ASKED ME!! That is a big, big deal. It's always me asking him to do things and its always with the kids. We haven't really dated, not now, not even in the beginning. (That's a long story too)

Anyway, any suggestions as to how to proceed? Should I suggest we start seeing a C? He was seeing one that he said he liked last spring but stopped going. I thought about suggesting to go see him. Any thoughts?

It's hard to believe we've been at this limbo thing for a year and a half. Never thought I'd be putting up with this for so long. Must really love the man. Not sure why sometimes.

He now wants me to answer his letter, kind of give him the things I saw as being the problems in our M, then he wants us to actually sit and TALK

Ok, so I don't condense well!! I will try to figure out how to connect my old threads. We'll see if I can figure it out. I feel bad though because I've been lurking for a long time but haven't responded.

Has anyone ever felt that the words that came to mind for someone's sitch, just didn't seem to want to be written? I've had that problem, will try to correct it! This site really has saved me from the deep dark depression I found myself falling into after this all started.

Any comments or questions, please put them forward. I would love to hear them!

JL

Life is not measured in the breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away...