Advice Needed- setting boundaries

[Maybell]

Hi, Sam3, I'm sorry you're here. I hope we can help. I find some similarities between your situation and mine so I'll share my thoughts and hopefully something will help.

1. See a lawyer ASAP. You must protect yourself and the kids, regardless of how your H takes it. I know money is a concern because of the way your finances work. Others on this forum have given advice on how to get legal help when finances are a problem -- hopefully they'll weigh in here to clarify.

2. Boundaries: yes, he needs some. This is where I see the biggest similarity between you and me. I am also a SAHM. My whole focus in life has been my family and supporting H in his career and what I thought was his personal happiness. If you would rather text him kid updates, then insist that's how you do things. (My H would have said exactly the same thing, why can't you just do what *I* want rather than what *you* want?). It will take you some time to sort out where you want your boundaries to be, so listen to your gut. If something feels wrong, consider it. He's laying down new conditions on you, there's no reason you can't evolve the situation similarly. Make sure your needs are met.

3. GAL: what is your support network like? You are in a much tougher position than most, but even so hopefully you have some options. First off, reach out to your friends and family and let them know what's going on. I have been amazed and humbled at how much people want to help at times like these. Now is NOT the time to tough it out alone.

4. Kids. I'm sorry, but try as you might you won't be able to shield your kids from your H's choices. The best you can do is assure them that you both love them very much, and for you to continue to do the best you can for them. I know in my sitch (kids older than yours) when my kids get too upset I text their dad and remind him that they need him. When necessary, I've described to him what behaviors I see that indicate he urgently needs to reach out to them. Even a text with a picture of him waving helps. This is an area where you're just going to have to work with what you've got. I'm so sorry.

I'm going to let someone else speak to your suspicions about OW as that part of your sitch is very different from mine.

You're doing very well. I wasted 7-8 months crying, begging, yelling, just like you're not supposed to do. You seem to be handling yourself with a lot more dignity. Keep posting and I wish you all the best.