Like a moth to flame

[Maybell]

What do you want to happen with her stuff? Where is your boundary on that?

What if you came up with a solution based on your needs and then backed into a next step?

But it might be helpful to find MLC25years story to see how long she was NC. It may put things in a little perspective. Five weeks feels like a long time to you. When my H first asked to separate he asked for three months. It won't be three months until 7/22 but he signed a 12-month lease on 6/1. So it may be that things get bleaker before they get better.

This is where that whole "gift of time" thing comes in. DB-ing is for yourself, to take the time to get healthy, to make sustained changes that bring you closer to the person you want to be. You've done quite a lot of that thus far and I know you want your blue ribbon. Defining the blue ribbon as contact with WAW isn't helpful.

You want *her* to be the one to rip off the bandaid. Why give her that power? If you want to start peeling it off, you can. You don't have to wait for her.

Um, the metaphor starts faltering here. Is she the nasty bandaid you're getting rid of or the wound underneath? Obviously you wouldn't put the nasty old bandaid back on, so we'll call that a metaphor for the dead relationship. You want a clean, healing relationship that won't give you a horrible infection, right? So don't cling to the old one.

If WAW gave you the injury in the first place do you want to trust her to redress the wound? Or do you want to make sure it's well cared for before you cover it with another bandaid (relationship)?

This is why you don't count the minutes of NC. You're tending to your own needs. I know how hard that is. I really, really do. Tend to your own needs for now. Heal your wounds and give her patience to do the same. Assume she won't be back for a while and move forward as a person who can live with that. You'll be stronger for whatever happens, and perhaps you'll lose track of the rope in there somewhere.