Ok I wanted to post an update here. I decided not to reach out to him or do anything for now, until I had a clear and good idea on what if anything I should do or say. About an hour ago, he called me. I was surprised, but glad to hear from him.
He sounded down, but said he thought it was important to call, since we really haven't spoken at all. I just listened to him. He said he had to move hotels because it was becoming too expensive. He decided not to take the initial apartment he had been looking at, but would be deciding in the next two weeks if he wanted to get into another one or not. It sounds like he's on the fence as to whether or not he really wants to come back here.
He reiterated how tough it had been for him to feel like he didn't have a place to live, and how it impacted him very hard, and made him wake up and take notice. He talked about how tough the week had been with everything he had been trying to do, figure out, etc. He also mentioned again how he heard the things I had said in our argument and it affected him: how I had been saying he didn't love me, etc. Also how hard it had been to see me loading his stuff onto the porch when he began moving his stuff out.
I validated how he felt and told him that I was wrong for how my behavior caused him to feel that way, and that I gave him the impression I didn't want him here, because I would never kick him out or want him out. He should never have had to feel unsafe in a place that was supposed to be his sanctuary. I told him that I was taking a hard look at myself, and whether or not he decided to come back, that it was not ok to behave the way I did and that I can see how hurtful my actions were. That I have lots of changing to do. I let him know that it hurt me to see him having to struggle this week, and that my acting out of anger and spewing things that I didn't mean were unfair, regardless of how it's always been my "go to defense". I've been creating an atmosphere that made him feel unwelcome in his own home. I said that I am happy with him and I feel loved and supported by him. But when I'm angry and acting out, I don't behave that way.
He said he wasn't angry at me, he just thought it was important to let me know that he was considering moving, and was giving himself the 2 weeks to decide what exactly he wanted to do. I told him that of course I was hoping he'd come home, but that ultimately I supported whatever he decided to do was best for him. We made some small talk, I asked him if he's eating ok, what he's been doing, etc - we spoke for about 40 minutes, and I ended the conversation with "well I guess you have some things to figure out for yourself", and he agreed. I told him I was glad he called and said goodnight. And that was that.
I hope I did ok...really glad he called, but powerless over what his heart decides is best for him too. I figured it was best not to let the conversation drag on. I want him to feel like this is his choice, and I didn't want to ask too many questions or make it seem as if I was trying to affect the outcome.
