Have I any hope...?

[bashy]

Well it really is all over. I blew it. Can't believe all I've worked towards in recent months was ruined by me giving into my emotions and doing the opposite of what I was meant to do.
I'll be brief:
Stayed in WAW on Sunday for Father's Day.
Had a lovely meal with WAW and D.
D went to bed.
WAW and I had a bottle of wine and chatted about her.
I listened and asked her loads of questions about her potential college course etc.
This is when it spiralled out of control.
She talked about my faults in marriage which I've gone over in earlier posts.
I agreed with her but then proceeded to blow it all by firstly going on about how that wasn't the real me, I've changed (which she agreed with) and that I think she has feelings for me still. I ask why she took me back the last time we split when I dumped her. She says it was because I told her I'd win her back and I was persistent.
This went on. Spiralled out of control. I told her I had dated once but it didn't feel right becuase I loved her. She then tells me she has met someone.... I go quiet. Not angry. Ask things about him. She backtracks saying it's nothing serious. Propbably won't last (I get the feeling it was to shut me up going on about us - it worked). I walked away. Then calmed down. Told her I was happy for her.
Next day after sleeping in separate beds. All is normal. Small talk. I leave D to school and go home. On way home she texts me for info. on broadband. I flirt with her. She replies with lol. I ring and tell her I love her, I will not give up on her. We will get back together and I will be there for her and D no matter who she meets.
Then I get home and ring her again to ask will she come for a day trip on my birthday in a few weeks with me. Shes at work and stressed. This makes things worse. Tells me it isn;t a good idea. That it's over. She doesn't love me etc etc etc

So i'm in a down place right now. Haven't contacted her at all since then (two days now), have just made my first appointment with a councillor, but have never felt as low even when she first said she was splitting with me.

I feel my heart has been ripped open again and feel like giving up. I know in my heart of hearts she loves me but is sooo damn stubborn and scared.

Please someone help.