I like your list. Especially the one about becoming more self-confident. That's the way to go, baby!
rushing reconciliation and expecting too much too soon was likely a major factor in our initial reconciliation failing
This is important. What are some of the take aways you've learned from your past failed reconciliation attempt? What were some of the steps that you believe didn't work favorably back then? What would you do differently this time around? *time to find ME without all the distractions of H and kids
What are some of the ways you can do to achieve this goal? What does that look like to you?
*time to be more confident that H truly is the right choice for me and that I can get over the A
What's your answer? In 30 seconds.
The first time H and I tried to reconcile I had asked him to leave bc although he had supposedly cut things off with OW he was very blatantly pining for her in front of me and I couldn’t stand it. We had started seeing a MC immediately after BD and the MC suggested we do a 10 day separation to each think about what we want then meet back at the MC office and declare our intentions. We came back after 10 days and H immediately said he wanted to stay together and work on things. We were both very emotional, I was thrilled and relieved. But after just a few days back together things quickly started heading South again. I don’t know if H got back in touch with OW or if he was dealing with withdrawals or what but he became very cold and was very, very clearly NOT working on the M. It was horrible living with him. So in another MC apt I asked him to leave again, the MC agreed that living together at that point was doing more harm than good. Anyway, finally to your question, what did I learn about our first reconciliation attempt? I guess I learned that I can’t force things (although actually it was the MC who essentially forced things by insisting on a time limit to our 1st separation). I learned that as much as I hate it and it seems so unfair things have to be on H’s timetable right now. For whatever reason he just was NOT ready, this time I need to be patient so he is really, really sure that he not only wants to be with me but also is ready to do the WORK needed to repair things.
For finding me I feel like I’m doing that a lot already. Just getting out there and doing things that I am able to do now that I have lots of free time without kids. I’m already doing some volunteer work, I joined an outdoors club, am planning to signup for a moon light canoe trip and have inquired about taking some graduate courses at a local university. I like getting out and being active so this one is relatively easy for me!
My 30 sec answer about H….I truly love him and want to be with him but I don’t know how I can ever trust him so that makes me scared and unsure.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
