Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

Hi everyone. First of all, I did try and post something a couple of days ago, but it never appeared. I don't know if it needs to be approved or if it got lost. Anyway ...

I’m an old dog seeking a new trick and I need some help and advice.

It’s been 3 weeks since I received the ILYBINILWY. It hasn’t been my favourite 3 weeks ( *** understatement by British man alert *** ).

We have been together for almost 21 years. We have been married for almost 8. We have 2 boys, 14 & 12.
I have been working away from home during the week for a little over 2 years returning home for the weekend.
She has recently started a new job in the same town as we live which she loves. Previous jobs have been unfulfilling.

I have been spending half my nights in the past 3 weeks reading about psychology, relationship breakdown / repair mainly on the psychology today website. After reading all this in the first week, I returned home hopeful that we could work it out some way. Nope. She is firm.

W has been seeing a therapist for a few months (which surprised me, although she says she did tell me) and also knows quite a bit about it as she did some counselling training years ago. She is not interested in going to marriage counselling. She has made her mind up. She says this relationship has now run it’s course. She has moved on but I have become stagnant and that I am quite happy just plodding along happy and contented to let her lead.

I saw counsellor a couple of days ago who recommended DB. I’ve read the first chapter online and ordered the book. It’s a good job I came on here to find out more, or I would have updated my wife about my progress.

We have actually had good ‘grown up’ talks since the bomb the first for a while. It has certainly snapped my out of despondency, but I fear it’s too late.

She says she is up for continuing in an unconventional marriage for the time being, still living as a family, but not as a couple. We are sharing the same bed when I’m back at the weekend, but no physical contact is allowed.

The kids don’t know. Other family members don’t know. I’ve told a couple of close friends and my flatmates (a couple) where I stay in the week. They have been fantastic and really supportive - they ‘do the AA 12 steps’. With their help, my counsellor, self analysis, reading about ‘mindfulness’, I am trying my best to be positive but it’s hard to know what to do. I don’t want our marriage to end.