What to do II

[Ben2010]

That as well as everything else is out of your hands. You're still thinking of a plan that comes from your POV and not hers.

This was just something I was mentioning, not really part of a plan. Never understood why it didnt work with her.

Do you remember her doing that? THAT should have been a red flag for you. If you go back over the history of your relationship, you'll find that there were many times that she tried to reach out to you but you shut her down.

I do remember that. I feel terrible about it now, but I will say that she never read the book all the way either. She said that at the beginning of our M when we didnt have many issues. There have been many times that I can look back on now that she practically begged for my affection and I was a dumba$$ and didnt get it.

Now that you've "suddenly" reached an epiphany because she's leaving you, you think she's in the wrong. She tried and didn't see you wanting to change. What else was she going to do?

No I dont think she is in the wrong for feeling that way. I think that there are things that could have been done instead of leaving or before leaving. Youre right I didnt want to change because I didnt realize the impact the things I was doing had on her.

So you say you've changed now. If they were real changes, there is no need for her to be able to see them because they are changes for YOU. If you do it solely to just get her back, once she returns, you will go back to how you were before. There are actually a couple of posters currently who didn't make their changes for life and found their spouses leaving them again for the same issues as before.

I did not say I have changed. There are some things that have changed about me so far though. These changes are not to bring her back, but lets not pretend that people are here for some other reason. My porn addiction is unhealthy and disgusting IMO. My anger makes me feel terrible when I project it on to other people. My lack of understanding of a healthy marriage is a concern to me. All of these things are changes for me. Like I said though, lets not pretend that people are not here to get their spouse back. My concern is that I never see her, so any changes that she wanted, will never be noticed. I dont have kids for her to ever see me. There is really no reason if she doesnt want to be around me for her to ever see me at all.