What to do II

[Ben2010]

Thanks wings,
Finally I find some perspective from a woman that has gone through the whole porn addiction thing. If your H was anything like me, he had no idea that he was hurting you that bad with it. I will say that just using sheer will power is very hard to stop doing it but has been possible for me. It actually gets easier after about day 3. I dont even really think about it anymore except in these situations. I would not say that the problem is over. I am very scared that it will return. I like the idea of the books for it. I really wasnt aware that they even had books based on that. I also had a problem initiating sex with her. She would always try to get me to have sex with her and most of the time I wouldnt. She told me one time though that she did this just because she didnt want me looking at porn. Says she doesnt care about sex at all. I have never had an issue pleasing any girl that Ive been with. No size issues or anything like that. Not sure why she doesnt enjoy it that much. One weird thing that maybe you can explain to me though is that one time she found it on the computer and got very upset but then pushed me down and got on top of me. We had sex while porn was playing on the computer. She had a great time with it too. She doesnt have orgasms unless it is my mouth on her any other time really, but she did that day. She can only do that on top of me anyway it seems, but still rarely.

I do feel like she feels deeply betrayed right now. I would give anything to go back and change it, but we all know that cant happen. I can tell when we got to have our serious R talk that she is scared to let me in and that my changes wont be real. Also as I previously stated, I can feel her anger when she talks to me. As far as this fine line of being available but not being a doormat...I feel like Im the doormat right now and thats why I dont want to take her calls. Plus it just seems like when she calls its an excuse to get angry or start a fight, but when we are face to face, different story.

I have read 5LL. There is an issue there. Her LL is physical touch...this makes it impossible to work with because we dont ever see each other really. I mean when she came over last week I gave her a hug and thats about as close as I could get. I agree though with its level of importance. Everyone should have to read that book before they get married. She has only read the first 3 chapters and taken the test, but that was a long time ago. My LL is quality time, so this is really taking a toll on me. I suggested that she read the book when I saw her last week or finish I should say. I told her how it opened my eyes to things that I had no clue about. She said she tried to get me to read it a long time ago and that I never did. Im sorry that I didnt now...Any suggestions on something I can do to get here to read it?

So Ive been told by the doctor to cut down to one pill of Wellbutrin a day only in the morning to solve my issues with sleeping. It seems to be working well the past few days. I also have my appetite back but am still down 15 lbs. Also please give me your opinion on the contact situation with my W, right now I am not answering her calls because I dont want to fight with her. The last time I talked to her was yesterday afternoon before work and she was mad at me for talking to her family. I apologized and told her that I didnt mean it as anything harmful. She thinks that Im trying to get her family on my side even though I told her that wasnt the issue. I just wanted some advice from her brother or maybe just someone to listen to me. She did ask why I didnt just call her dad because he is a "responsible" one. I have not called him yet, still trying to weigh this out when a good time would be.