I feel as if I am living in an alternative reality!
My saga has been going on for nearly nine years - he initially left in October 2005, it took until January 2011 to get the divorce finalised and sine last August he has been threatening legal action based on a flimsy, but cleverly constructed case.
Sooooooo in early May we spoke at some length on the phone (I haven't seen in him person since February 2013 and have as little to do with him as possible) and agreed a settlement
BUT within days of this he became unreasonable and abusive again - I do not take his calls any longer and have blocked his emails but I got an abusive text because between Thursday and the following Monday (I had been travelling all weekend, as he knew) I hadn't yet gone to a lawyer.
However I think what triggered the abuse was my confirming his comment, as the end of our negotiation that 'I guess we really don't have a relationship any more' To which I replied that we didn't, and that this was not to be expected given the circumstances.
Anyway, so much for the background. We are now back to threats of legal action, and further demands via my lawyer. He wants money and he wants attention. Frankly I want to give him neither, but nor do I want an expensive law suit, and the hassle of dealing with it all.
I just feel at the end of my tether. The (adult) children are all fed up with his antics.
The kind and loving husband of 35 years got swallowed up by MLC land, and the monster will not go away.
Thank goodness for this forum where we can vent. This MLC behaviour is unbelievable.
If anyone has any suggestions (probably not a hit man, as I don't think it is legal) I should be grateful. I just want him GONE. He is currently planning to remarry (OW2 or 3, not sure), but you know, I don't think it is what he wants . . - my future dil says she thinks he is doing it to annoy everyone!!!
Bea, I wouldn't respond to any more of his messages or phone calls. You are divorced and quite frankly, you owe the man nothing. It's obvious he's got some real issues concerning you and the fact that there isn't any type of relationship after all of this time. He can't accept the fact that you've walked away from his crazy behavior and want nothing to do w/him. He's a desperate man trying desperate measure to get your attention and wants to be a part of your life. Unfortunately, the way he's going about it isn't helping his case at all.
Here's my concern. If you give him what he's asking for in the way of money, he's just going to find another reason for additional funds and contact w/you. I honestly think it's more about keeping in contact w/you versus the money...but I could be wrong. I wouldn't reward bad behavior because he'll just do it again and again.
The way I see it is that you have two options:
Call his bluff and go to court. I know you don't want the hassle and spend the money, but sometimes you have to use drastic measures just to shut them down.
or
Is the amount of money he's asking for changed since the agreement on the settlement? What you need is a legal document stating the amount of money to be paid to him w/the statement advising him that he is to never come back and threaten law suits, court dates, etc. for additional funds form you. That on the date of the signing of said document, the case is closed and never to be reopened. Have the fool sign and date it in front of witnesses in your lawyer's office or in front of a judge.
Unfortunately, I do think that even if you were to pay him off, he would be one of those that will never leave you alone...until he's 6 ft. under. Bea, I'm very sorry that this is happening to you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thanks. I think he wants both money and attention.
I think his whole world is coming unglued, and he has decided to remarry . . . . .
He absolutely doesn't get that I don't have to deal with him. It drives him crazy. But he is never nice to me. Never ever. And as for blame, don't go there.
I am discussing the whole matter with a lawyer friend of mine, and also my therapist to see if settling (as you suggested) will really keep him away.
I don't know what he wants - some sort of blessing I think that what he did was OK and that he is really a nice person.
I think you're gonna need to drop kick XH to the apogee on a permanent basis. Seriously.
He's seeking any form of attention from you. I think I would instruct your lawyer to communicate to XH that he cannot communicate with you any longer in any shape, manner, form, line, dot, comma, whatever and all of his "legal concerns" will need to be directed to the lawyer.
Also I'd look up on the harassment law on the books in your state or XH's state. This has to stop one way or another.
No more taking calls, texts, emails from XH on even family matters. It is up to him to communicate with your sons.
Become the Invisible Woman....like Harry Potter. Hey, here's a cloaking cape for you!
Wonka -in theory you are correct. However, I spend a lot of my time between two countries, and so does my xh. My lawyer friend said it would be difficult to to enforce this. And because I no longer take his calls he writes to my lawyer - who now writes to me . . . .. and then he gets his lawyer to write to my lawyer, and asks me for his legal costs
I am waiting to discuss this latest round of madness with a lawyer friend - my xh's view is that my not communicating with him is a sign that I have problems, not that he has become and intrusive insensitive bully.
He affects to believe that he has done nothing to complain about. Simply left a marriage that no longer worked for him, and that everyone else has an inexplicable problem with his behaviour and attitude. Mainly because I have poisoned them against him.
The narrative is delivered with such conviction that it makes the Gettysburgh address look amateurish
Let go permanently for your own sanity. I feel for you. I hope my ordeal is over sooner than yours has lasted. You definitely make others think about the letting go in a big way. Just do it girl. You give xH to God.
The narrative is delivered with such conviction that it makes the Gettysburgh address look amateurish
I'd pay big bucks to see The CrazyLand Narrative Address from your XH.
Also to be a fly on the wall at XH's pretend wedding to the OW. Too funny. Hey, who would be XH's best man? Oh right...his imaginary friend. Never mind.
How exactly is HE paying for his legal fees, Bea? Maybe you should call his bluff? But I understand wanting them to go away and play in heavy traffic. I am sooooo there.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wonka this is heady stuff for the inexperienced: you might come away believing that the earth is flat, or that little green men on bicycles operate the internet.
Does he really believe this stuff? or expect others to? Who knows. I sometimes wonder if he isn't having a MLC at all, but just went fruitloops with me as the wicked witch.
I think I was supposed to sign over all my property and the children (including my car and jewellery) and go around when required to do the gardening.
We are divorced, but only when it comes to my having any claim on him. It is called unilateral divorce, a new concept invented specially for the person in MLC. They divorce you, and get to keep everything and continue to exercise a say over how you spend your life. As long as they don't have to be nice to you. Ever. And they can contact you whenever they want to.
As Job said only 6 feet under is going to stop this guy. And even then I suspect there would be directives arranged in the dasies
