Uh, you kind of got an answer here. Your W was prescribed Cymbalta for depression. One of the most common side effect of anti depressants is low libido.
That being said, it sounds like she is taking her depression seriously. This little birdie would recommend you treading lightly and asking appropriately what she feels is causing her depression.
And I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm gonna come out waving my hands above my head so you know I'm serious about this elephant in the room. Your W is my age, along with Goat Gal, 25 and Bug. We're all telling you we feel differently about the 50 thing. I'd like you to accept this as a truth for your W too.
I'm not saying that you don't have just cause to get to the root of things. She owes you that much. But marriage is about compromise. And what's not shared here is how that is done behind the scenes. I said it before and I'll say it again: the devil is in *those* details.
I truly wish you well navigating these waters. I would hope that she would open up to you. But Bug may have some sort of insight here that you might want to explore more too. Something isn't well with her...
And just so you know how committed I am to moving through this stage of life better, I put myself back in IC as well. I'm not even entirely sure what the cause is, but I'm willing to go a little deeper and find out. I'm just glad I'm not married or in a R right now so I can get moving on the solution.
Good luck- Betsey
I don't think I'd be allowed to say it's not depression, but I'm going to say it. I think her doctor just didn't know what to do and gave her that to see if it would help. Frnakly, I don't think she's depressed, not just because of how she acts but because she said it herself.
But who wants to contradict a doctor?
So I don't know.
Besides, the Cymbalta is also supposed to help with her diabetic neuropathy (her bad foot pain post-cancer) and it makes her go to sleep in seconds. She's already on pills for the neuropathy, but they didn't make her pass out.
It sounds like the consensus is that my marriage is going to be a clinical sex-starved marriage and I simply have to deal with it. I don't think I can. I have, for a long time now, better than most men and women I've been reading about and talking to here, but it doesn't sound like it can make a difference. My wife is 50. There should be a chapter on that then, something that says eventually sex drive dies and if you have to deal with it because you're the partner that wants to have sex with the one person who you promised everything to, tough.
It just [censored]. I hoped for good news. Cymbalta isn't helping either one of us. "oh, but you have to wait 12 weeks before you quit."
Great.
I don't know what to do. I mean, I can't just say to myself, "stop wanting to have sex with your wife." Even if I could, why would I want to? Sex is good for you. And I like it. And I'm relentlessly attracted to my wife. But now I just have to keep being happy to reach the end of a long road just because she's not 49 anymore? Sorry, I hear you, and it [censored] because it sounds like there's no hope at all and that's hard to deal with.
