During Sunday's talk, I tried to be empathetic and tried as much as possible to validate what she was saying.
It sure sounds as though you succeeded here. You entered uncharted territory, and it paid off.
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A key thing she did say was that she was glad we could still talk like this. This is the point where she then asked what I thought about us staying in contact as we moved on.
DB, I think this sounds awfully positive. Be more of the person that she needs you to be and less of the one she doesn't. From my vantage point, it sure looks like she is open to the possibilities. And please don't discount friendship or the possibility of it. I have a handful of friends who successfully reconciled (most of them after D), and friendship was the foundation of creating a new and happier relationship that led to remarriage. And when I say handful, I mean more than 5. That's a pretty high number. Why not you?
So I think you have the makings of a goal list here for that to happen: "Show that I am not indifferent to my W or her needs."
What can you to do support this on an ongoing basis? Without saying things that you know will drive her away and any other pursuing behaviors. List 3-5 and make that your focus for the next few weeks. Now you also know for sure that you *can* talk to her about difficult stuff and navigate those waters well. Build on those successes, DB. More of what works, less of what doesn't. And tweak when you notice things are moving away from you.
Good luck!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
