Every so often I come by and check things out. I used to live on these boards in 2007-2008.
Needless to say I didn't save my marriage. Infidelity was involved.
The little I can share is by way of the mistakes I made.
1. A person who who is a serial cheater and doesn't show remorse and says they want to leave the marriage is very, very hard to turn around. If it's a WAW, even MWD says it's tough. Im my opinion your wife isn't worth turning around. (The whole describing her sex life with other guy is unconscionable. The harder you try, the weaker and more unattractive you seem to her. Proceed AS IF you are going to move on with your life and get a divorce -- this may make her wake up, or it may not.
2. Protect yourself. Go see a lawyer, know your rights and have a strategy. Don't simply be reactive and wait to see what she does.
3. Stay in your home with your boys. She may wake up one day and decide SHE wants the house and kids so she can raise them with her new boyfriend.
4. If you act AS IF you are getting divorced, set the tone: healthy boundaries (you are) and cordiality (since she's still the mom of your children). Let her know ahead of time what accounts you are closing, etc. If you divorce, you will need to deal with her till your youngest is out of the house. You don't need an all out war on your hands all the time. On the other hand -- you don't need to be nice to her.
5. For fun, and a slightly more jaded perspective on saving a marriage to a cheater -- read the blog Chump Lady. It's hilarious.
