Newbie needs help

[rayzzz]

Detach! You are not detaching so it is extremely hard to have no expectations and remain no contact in your 180s. How are your 180s going? Maybe time to re-evaluate and use what works.

I will just listen to her and let her talk> if she asked me what I am thinking I will let her know that I need to think about things since they are major decisions and I am not ready to discuss. any suggestions

Listening is good but are you validating? Wonka has a great thread here on how to do it. It's saying "wow that sounds tough....man I can see why you feel that way.." and not injecting" but I think you should blah blah blah..." If she feels she is on your side she will soften

and have you read and re read Sandi2's 37 rules? Put more effort into it. Be the last to end a conversation and then leave the room do something busy. Scarce words right? She will want to bring up D and corner you into that big conversation so dont allow it. You don't react from fear but a place of strength. Those questions are stressful and think we all have been there. show confidence and strength always.

One thing I felt God say to me in this is "win her back quietly" so that means I shut up and change and transform for myself and then let that impact her and everyone else.

No guarantees this works out for me and you but we give it to God and do all that we can. Remember to come here often. It is source of strength and as a christian myself sometimes our married church friends don't have a clue cause they have not been in this trial.

5 A wise man is strong, Yes, a man of knowledge increases strength; 6 For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 24:5-6

Here are some good db counselors at this forum. You can do this! Battle on for your M bro.