Really appreciate your response Cadet, have looked up all the abbreviations - beginning to get the hang of this!
Apologies for the 'blocks of type' - I guess it was a stream of consciousness and I was so anxious to get it all out I forgot that others would have to negotiate it all. Will remember in future!!
I didn't understand the posting on other peoples threads thing but I get it now so thanks for mentioning that too - i think it will help.
Yes, my husband is depressed and with good reason, the last few years have been a nightmare for us. We bought some land with a cottage at a high price about 5 years ago when the economy was booming, our house was put on the market which would have reduced our debt to a manageable level if it had sold.
The economy collapsed. My husband's company went into liquidation. We moved into the cottage but our house has not sold. My H looked everywhere for work while working with me (my business couldn't really sustain two salaries)but always felt his age went against. We used all our savings to keep paying two huge mortgages etc. over 3 years. We could no longer pay the mortgages when he got the offer of the job abroad. He sees no way out of this and feels that he has to live away from us for up to 10 years.
I know I can't fix his depression and the 180 i have done is to be more aware of it, to try to understand it and just to be there if and when he needs me. This is a 180 because before i wouldnt have tried to understand him i would just have either ignored his poor behaviour or fought with him.
You seem to think I have enabled his depression, does this have to be the case?? Trying to be honest here, i don't think i enabled it but i don't think i helped either because i didnt put a label on it and carried on hoping his 'mood' would improve.
While I understand he is depressed i don't believe it is acceptable that he had an affair, that he continues to have 'shallow relationships' with young girls, that he lies continually, uses porn and online dating sites and drinks excessively.
My original question was 'do I tell him all I know?' and i am still desperately seeking some advice on this. I know what he is doing from 'snooping' but I have not told him directly. I think that he believes that because he lives abroad he can try out this new way of living and that no one will be hurt because no one will know.
But the way he is treating me, and these other woman is so disrespectful and so harmful to him and to us, maybe he needs me to hold a mirror up to his behavior??
