afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

Feeling a bit defeated tonight.

Nothing major happening just still battling a few things that don't make sense to me. I understand nothing a WAS does make sense but I still have trouble getting it right in my mind.

Why not when confronted about an A, if it is going on, just be adult enough to admit it?

I haven't produced my evidence and probably never will but my W has to know I know. She was confronted by OM significant other and thought I was the one who put this person up to it. I didn't but if this person had a feeling something is going on. it is about a sure bet that there is something going on.

Again, this isn't a deal breaker but it stinks being an adult and being lied to by another adult not just about the A but almost every facet of our S just to justify their position.

Saying things like "I'm not looking back into my rearview mirror anymore, and honestly you are part of that rearview."

When I validate W feeling on this it just seems to upset her more.

I say things like " I understand how those things from our past have hurt you, You are a very strong person to have dealt with that for all those years."

Is that a bad way to validate?

Another thing is all the work around the house I am doing is upsetting her because she says. " I used to think you were just drunk and didn't hear or listen to me, but all these things you are doing are things I wanted you to do all along. So I know you were listening and hearing me you just didn't change."

And probably worst of all " I can't stand living with you, everyday I have to be here is miserable for me."

When I say "You are free to leave at any point." she counters with " Thanks for your permission but I have no money and you haven't told me what I can and can't have to take with me."

I had the list she prepared for one week then I dropped everything once W got upset about it and did it in 10 mins.

I told her we are both working you take your retirement I will take mine. We will figure out what to do with the house and we can move on. She says that is not fair because you have done great things since you married me and that needs to be distributed fairly.

I said not if we agree that it doesn't.

I said I think it is very unfair on her to think that because I make more money than her by about 60/40 that I should fund her new life.

I told her I have come to accept her feelings on our M and even though to me D is not a solution, I know I will have to let her go and plan to not stand in her way as long as it is in my best interest to do so depending on how I am advised.

Up on the soap box, That it what I think is wrong with our family court system. Two people who supposedly love each other and one decides nope I don't like what is happening so I want out.

If both are able bodied working people of relative young age, who have both worked throughout the M then it should be simple you take what is yours and I will take what is mine, Good luck in your future endeavors. I wish you nothing but the best. no 50/50 split or worse Mumbo Jumbo.

If she want to leave and not even try to work things out, hiding behind excuses not to try, that is her choice.

I don't like it when it seems to be money motivated and I can tell this is reason because otherwise, why drag your feet for 10-11 then decide to file once your money stream has slowed to a trickle.

If she wants to go live what is thought to be a happier life with someone else fine. Just start over exactly the way WE did when WE first got M.

The people that stay together, at least the ones I know, never forget what it was like to struggle in the beginning. It makes their love stronger to make it through that. After all, the honey moon phase always wears off and to be able to recall the tough times from the past I think allows them to press forward even though there are High mountains and deep valleys in every M they somehow survive it to be M for 40 50 60+ years.

I thought this how my M was going. I never claimed to have the perfect M, far far from it but The one constant in all of this is not for one second did I ever doubt my love for my W.

I did unloving things sometimes, we almost all do, once I realized how these things affected my W love towards me, I made a commitment to learn how to create a new stronger and more loving R. My W has decided to take her own journey in a direction she feels is correct for her.

I only wish that I had this knowledge when we first got married. It would have made a world of difference in my particular sitch on a lot of fronts.

Down off the soapbox for now.