Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

I'm frustrated with myself today. Yet I saw some positives and I also know PMA drops right before a new level of detachment- so bring it on!!

Started off my day in a funk- just feeling sad, nothing specific that I could point to. ( other than maybe being on vacation with my H and kids without down time to regroup my emotions). Things have been fine between us- like being on vacation with a friend. Though I've noticed a few touches, hair ruffles etc as we are talking or walking around. He has also been flirting with me quite a bit.

Hung out at beach as a family and had fun. H made a joke about bathing suit pic I took being used as my dating profile pic. S16 laughed. That hit me wrong.
He apologized as I didn't hide my feelings quick enough.
Then later asked if I was ok, I said I'm having an off day. He said I can tell- did I do anything. I told him no I just started off like that for some reason.
I kept trying to work on my PMA throughout the day but it just wasn't working. He caught me crying a couple if different times.
At different times he hugged me, said he was sorry I was having a bad day, had concerned/compassionate looks in his face and "checked in" on how I was doing.
Sometimes he seemed confused or surprised by my hurt but in a way that was caring not annoyed. Being around his sister tonight was hard as she is the one getting married the end if the week. He kept saying he wanted to make sure I was as comfortable as possible in every situation. I appreciated that- and as hard as it is I will be there for all the interactions as his family wants me there and I'm close to them all.

So I'm frustrated that I didn't hide my hurt. But on the flip side he seemed to move toward me some. Seemed to think about things and was very kind and caring.
I'm still working on me, still moving forward as if he's not coming back, but some vulnerability showed today. I'm trying to honor my feelings and his decisions while spending almost all day every day together on this vacation.
Whew this is tough. Hope I didn't backslide too much today!