One of the things that's been making me really mad lately is H's accusation that I haven't been consistent. If ONLY I'd be consistent. I journal about this mess. I haven't missed a single IC session the entire time. I've been pretty consistent. He just tends to accuse me of being inconsistent when he's done something that triggers a boundary I have that he doesn't like. Anyone else encounter this? How did you deal with it?
I've tried to operate within a list of if/then's and reasonable boundaries, kept my overall message consistent, offered friendship and empathy as much as I can, and let him know when I feel like being emotionally available for him would be inappropriate or damaging to us rebuilding respect and rapport between us. I've tried to remind myself that this is a man who was going through a major emotional break down for about a year and a half before he left and I've tried to be patient. We've gone through phases where it seemed very strongly like he was trying to date me - since we never did that before moving in together (we'd been friends for years) - and I've tried to be a great "girlfriend" while attempting to maintain my self-respect... which admittedly falls apart when he starts backing off... thus why I'm finally fed up and most likely moving 3,000 miles away. I've consistently tried to empower him to be a good parent... but I draw the d@mn line at him asking me to decorate his apartment he wants to get. I'm not going to be his homemaker unless he's living in my home! And now that I'm trying to get back to school, I need certain things from him or I just cannot do it here.
I don't know. I'm really upset with him. This whole thing is bullsh!t. I didn't do a d@mn thing to deserve him running out on me - not that I was perfect but I sure didn't deserve THIS - and I've bent over backwards to keep reconciliation an option for him all this time. I fully expected that he'd be moving in with me by the end of this month and now I'm packing for a 3,000 mile move. And he still owes me a ferris wheel ride, dang it. He promised me one at this year's fall fair. We were going to take a road trip this summer. Now I'm moving. This is cr@p.
