Just a note to say that your self-reflection and insight are really really impressive. You have the whole rest of your life to craft a new version of yourself--keeping the best parts, modifying the parts that weren't bringing you the happiness and peace you deserve...
I am in a similar boat (and at a similar age), and I keep telling myself that if this (ending my M) is the price I had to pay to finally get to live the happy, healthy life I deserve... maybe it was worth it? Because that is pretty huge.
