Well, no f-in clue what the heck is going on now. H is wanting to negotiate a way for me to stay up here for a while longer - in other words, he doesn't want me to move with the kids. I don't want to stay here, even though I don't want to lose him. There just isn't enough reason for me to stay here. So I told him, fine, this is everything I want and need if you want me to stay here and if you can't agree to this and stick to it, I'm moving. We're still negotiating. I told him flat out that outside of a loving, committed marriage I have zero reason to live here. And just like he won't give up the things that are important to him to move to FL with the kids and I "just 'cause," I'm not going to stay here "just cause" without him agreeing and committing in writing to a long list of things. I gave him my initial list and am waiting for his response. I fully expect that he will reject about 70% of it entirely and I'm packing and decluttering my apartment in preparation to move.
This whole thing is sort of a 180 for me. Yes, I'm trying to "negotiate" but I'm setting the bar for my cooperation really high. He's got to give quite a bit for a change. I've been a total marshmallow with this guy, overly accommodating, etc. So, being assertive and firm about my needs and wants is a little... uncomfortable for me. But, d@mn it, I'm not staying here without getting what I need to be content. Not getting by, not living in limbo like I have been... I'm only staying here if he can agree to the things *I* need to be ok for a change.
Honestly, I'll never be happy with staying. But, if he does agree to what I want, it could work out enough that I'd be willing to not move the kids away from their dad right away. Obviously, I'm conflicted.
We've got a very limited amount of time to work out an agreement. So, frankly, if I don't hear back from him in a couple days, I'm just going to tell him to go f--- himself, that he's not giving this the attention and urgency it needs which would be so typical for him. And I'm done with his typical, lazy, inattentive, irresponsible, unhelpful, uninvolved behavior. I've been warning him for months now that I'm really reaching the point where I'm fed up with him and that I have definitely reached the point where having my own life away from him is immensely more attractive than putting up with the current state of things.
