Ok, now I've collected myself a bit from my stubborn, (victim) mentality this morning. Thank you for the honest feedback, Mr. Bond. And Accuray, I very much appreciate your input and support as well. I've already downloaded that book online just now and will read it soon. And that's exactly our problem - lack of communication in an argument, and two heated tempers when in an argument. Aside from that (and a couple of other minor things) I'd say we have/had an outstanding marriage. We really like each other, and have fun together.
What Mr. Bond said was very true. I haven't changed for life, or at all with my reaction-ism. I've changed how I react to one thing - that's his A. Aside from that, I haven't done much to help our situation, I've exacerbated it. I hope I didn't push him away for good, I would love to be the wife and mate that he sees as his ideal, and give him a break already. I also hope I can resolve this inside myself so it doesn't happen again. So far I've been praying about it and asking that it be removed or remedied somehow. I think I simply don't know how to take a step back when I'm already in a heated argument, and feeling defensive. I feel weak if I back down from what I see as an attack, which can't be entirely true. It's what I've learned in my family (5 macho brothers). Solve things with your anger, and no one can push you around. Somehow I need to unlearn this and work on establishing a new way. I still want to kick myself! I had a golden opportunity to do better and I didn't take it.
By the way, he was just here earlier to pick up some things from his garage and feed his reptiles out there too. He texted me that he was coming to do that, and I just replied ok. I didn't go outside, didn't engage in any way, I just let him do what he needed to do. I looked outside and he was petting the dogs and smiling. I just got back to being busy with work. Although seeing him smiling was confusing. But then I thought "knock it off, he should be happy to see them".
He did take the bag I left out there for him a few days ago, finally. For what that's worth. And he parked in the driveway this time, as opposed to out in the street, like last time. At least there's no fighting between us right now. I'm just treating him the way I'd want to be treated, with respect and honoring his decision to leave for good if that's his choice, and giving him space. Everything else is in his court, but my plan is to move ahead and not contact him for any reason. That could get me in a more hurt position right now, and/or give him more reason to flee permanently.
I may not have any more chances, but then again I might.
