I guess I'm not embarrassed by his actions as much as that I'm working on my second divorce. This man would rather sleep on a twin bed in his friends basement with none of his belongings than to try to work things out at home. He was THAT miserable.
I have to make some life-altering decisions quickly to protect myself. I'm just worried I'll make a mistake. But, I gotta do something...
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
I don't have any words of wisdom, either, just that I'm sorry. I feel embarrassed, too...people keep telling me "you're so young! you can basically start over" as if that somehow makes it better. Instead, I feel like that just gives me more time to repeat the same thing again. I hope that someone stops by here soon with some wise words.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
This man would rather sleep on a twin bed in his friends basement with none of his belongings than to try to work things out at home. He was THAT miserable.
Be careful and do not mind read. Just because he does not want to stay in the same house does not mean that somewhere inside he isnt struggling. Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. My wife is the WAW and I would do anything to get her back. But it was me who pushed for the S. I could not handle being in the same house with her anymore, it was too toxic. Being apart for me allowed me to get my head in a better place, and avoid the reality of what was in front of me. Maybe your H has to be away to avoid the reality of what he is doing. Or maybe something else.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I feel like I need a business card or tattoo that points out I did everything I could: I'm not just a divorce statistic!
Keeping in mind he has never used the word Divorce... Ever. I think he wants to push me away to the point I'm the one pulling the trigger on it. I'm not trying to mind read, but he has lied so much I can't believe anything he says OR does at this point.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Oh, and he wanted to know if we could still be friends. When I said NO, he said, "I was afraid of that". ?? Who would be friends with someone who treated then that poorly?
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
And KGirl- I am terrified of making the same mistake on another relationship. I can control me, but I can't predict MLC behavior. But, I also refuse to be a man-hater.
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
Hi Artsy! I'm just now reading your sitch, and I will have to go to earlier link to know what is really going on with your life.
Thanks for posting on my page about daily happiness challenge. I will search the web for it. I am currently reading the Happiness Trap, and to the chapter where the author recommends that when I start having negative thoughts about myself, such as "I'm getting divorced a second time and no one will want to be #3!", to laugh it off by hearing a funny cartoon voice saying it to me, instead of my normal internal voice. My voice of choice is Donald Duck's voice. It makes the unhappy/worrying internal thought that I too often say to myself less depressing. I can hear it from Donald Duck and move on. The author contends that you cannot make some of the negative thoughts go away, and not to beat yourself up for thinking them. Merely minimize them by humoring them, and then move on. It does seem to work for me somewhat.
In the meantime, please know that I too do feel embarrassed about being on D #2. I get you on that 100%. I am 56, you are 39. You have a long life ahead of you to try to get it right with someone. That should be a happy thought. Does this ring true for you?: I think back to my sadness and angst after Div#1. I can now think back to memories of M #1 or H#1 without sadness, only good thoughts and thankfulness. I feel that down the road, in time, I will be able to do the same with this ending of M#2, as well. I predict it will be easier for me to do sooner than with M & H #1, since h #2 and I do not have children together. I will miss my twin step-daughters, and I know H will miss my son, and that does make me sad, though.
You are blessed to have friends to help you get through your down day yesterday, whatever they did for you.
I will take your advise and work on demonstrating my affections rather than being an "Ice Queen." Easier said than done, as everyone in my family of origin is the same.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
I am not done writing this prayer, so bear with me. Each evening I ask the Lord to walk with me, and I recite this many times.
Just for today; I choose the path for PEACE, I choose the path of Awareness, I choose the path of Forgiveness, I choose the path of Pardon. I choose to live my life walking with the Lord, who is good, and my conscious. I choose to live in the present. With Grace and Dignity.
Repeat as necessary. In instances that I don't know if I feel genuine forgiveness, I ask God to stand with me and do the forgiving for me, while I say the words. Soon I get to the place that I feel the grace.
Me: 48 H: 48 Married 26 , together 30 D1: 21 D2: 18 "Happily Married" until BD 4 weeks later: "Im talking to someone" No papers filed. Attempting 180, finding it difficult.
Love the prayer, bugsby. I have completely given this to God- I thought I was before, but I think I was still involved too much. I literally have no other recourse at this point (maybe that's WHY things have played out the way they did)
Me: 39 H: 45 Second marriage for both H left 12/2013 M:4 T:5.5
