Do I tell him all I know?

[MrBond]

"however as a serious, self confessed conflict avoider, he left most of the difficult issues to do with the kids up to me and I let him. "

That's probably not true. He probably thought (and rightfully so) that as the mom you were better at dealing with the issue at hand or that he felt uncomfortable about talking about those things. Most men are like that.

The fact that you "let" him doesn't make you benevolent or anything. You made a decision to just take care of the issues yourself. You could have just as easily not have dealt with them. Don't put the blame on him.

Much of the story that you detailed has alot of your opinions in their about how he feels/felt, how your M was, etc. Can you give us more FACTS about your M and if there were problems? How did the two of you resolve conflict? Be objective and not what you "think".