Well... it is an admittedly nebulous concept, but...
I think what it means, for me, is that I am moving toward a place where I believe it is better to be on my own than with a person who doesn't reciprocate my feelings toward them and the effort I put into the relationship.
Granted, I flip-flop on this internally, and so I'm not acting on these feelings. Yet. The major consideration is my kids, and the fact that I think they deserve an intact family and two full-time parents. My W and I chose to bring them into this world and I believe we have a life-long responsibility toward them. And my W and I chose to make our wedding vows, and I meant them and believe I have a life-long responsibility to keep them (barring certain extreme circumstances). And there is the fact that my W is my best friend and we do still truly enjoy each other's company.
But I have come to see "love" as a decision...a process... a verb. It's something you choose to do and express toward another person. W still sees love as an emotion that you fall under the spell of...something that happens to you, and if you don't feel it, then it isn't there and that is the sign that the relationship is over and you should move on.
W said to me the other day that she wants to be able to move past her negative feelings about our marital history, but she "just can't". She said she wants to still love me, but she "just doesn't, not in the way a wife should love her husband." How can you argue with that? You can't.
H: 43 W: 37 M: 11 years T: 12 years S: 11 D: 8 ILYBINILWY, "I want to move out" and "I want a divorce": 3/23/14 MC started: 9/22/14 Affair and past infidelity discovered: 9/26/14 Piecing: 10/20/14
