Where do you see that I have problems sticking to my decisions? Not disagreeing but in this thread I don't see where that was indicated.
Sorry if I misunderstood, but this was the basis for that thought:
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We're in the "mess" we're in because of my irrational decision to move out of the house in a heated argument one night. I've owned the responsibility but it's the second time I've done it and she's hurt/scared.
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I'm curious about the careful about ultimatums comment? From what I've read, that's the generally accepted approach to an A. End it so we can work on us...keep it up and there's no "us" to work on.
Ultimatums are usually more of a demand of a person to do what you want or suffer the consequences. The person receiving the ultimatum usually sees it as a control technique. I think you are on the right track, but may need some guidance how to approach things with her. Once you give the ultimatum, you have to follow through with enforcing the consequences. If you have a temper problem and say things in the heat of the moment, you may regret it later. And if there is no consequence, well.......
Don't get me wrong, I believe she needs to decide.
Both of you have been in several LTR and now have this really big problem facing you. I have a feeling it's not the only problem that's in this R. Have the two of you considered family therapy?
My recommendation is to leave her alone and let her pursue you if she gives up OM. If she doesn't, then you need to move on.
Has she given an explanation of why she was having sex with OM? Have you had sex with her since she's been with him?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
